


Paperwhite to Red

by natus_ka



Category: Produce 101 (TV), VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Seungwoo is kinda fucked up too, Seungwoo is pittiful, Seungyoun has a mental disorder, Seungyoun is pittiful too, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, ryeonseung, they are sick but in love, yohan likes seungwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2020-10-05 21:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20495507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natus_ka/pseuds/natus_ka
Summary: Seungwoo’s boyfriend is different or just weird to the point when he should seek help from a professional. But Seungwoo likes him nevertheless. So much that he ends up being the one in need for psychological care. But when one of the freshmen catches on the duo’s strange dynamics the up-till-now-working relationship starts to crumble. Can Yohan’s presence in their life change anything? Moreover solve anything?Basically Ryeonseung being in an unhealthy relationship and Yohan entering their life.TRIGGER WARNING: mental disorder, violence





	1. Dashing Personality and Caring Heart. Apparently.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this chaptee in one go. I just got this idea and couldn’t let it go. So who knows if it is worth reading.
> 
> I have the basic idea of the story so other chapters will come. Sadly I wouldn’t be able to update often since I failed my Math class and I need to study for the retake. Sorry about that.  
Hope you will like it.
> 
> Also it is supposed to become darker, but i am not an experienced writer so we will see how it turns out.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Everyone was sitting in an assembly hall waiting patiently for whatever was yet to start. About two hundred freshmen were sitting in white plastic chairs which were far away from being comfortable, at least in Yohan’s opinion. It was 8:30 am and the waiting for the principal’s speech was tiring. Everyone in the room looked bored to death including him. Since they were all freshmen there wasn’t much of a noise only a few people around him, who probably knew each other from even before they entered college, were whispering words of excitement, nervousness and they commented on the other people’s looks.

Yohan wasn’t surprised when he heard some nice compliments directed towards his look. The two girls sitting behind him were checking him out. Probably? He couldn’t be 100% sure but he was confident that they were discussing about him. Soon after, their rumbling was interrupted by the principal’s introductory words. Finally.

The opening ceremony ended quicker than how long they had waited for it to start in the first place. According to the instructions, the students started leaving the assembly hall to move to their next destination – their respective department’s groups which in Yohan’s case was The Department of Physical Education. Yes, his major was sport. He had been doing taekwondo since childhood so it was reasonable he chose this path. He had also chose his minor program to be teaching since he had thought it would be a more stable career than being a professional athlete.

Yohan was nervously looking for his respective group when he finally spotted a wooden sign with “physical education” written on it and a fine-looking guy leaning on its rod. He gasped a bit. This guy looked different from other freshmen. Yohan approached the group slowly. Where this nervousness and insecurity came from he didn’t really know but he thought that he should compose himself and act his typical self with overflowing confidence rather than coming off as someone weak.

Yeah. He put on the biggest smile he could and entered the group’s radius.

“Hi, I’m Yohan. Kim Yohan” he said confidently.

Few people turned their heads towards him. Yohan was quite confused since the kids were just staring at him. Did he say something weird?

Luckily, some guy made a step towards him and extended his hand to make a handshake with Yohan. “Dude, why so startled? I’m Hangyul, by the way.” This new guy, who was a bit smaller than Yohan, flashed a perfect smile and Yohan didn’t hesitate to shake his hand. Yes, he liked the guy just from the first glance and he expected them to click. 

More people came to the two of them to also introduce themselves. And while the small talk between now about six people wasn’t boring at all, Yohan just wasn’t focused perfectly on what the others were talking about. He stared on the sign, well more like on the person with the sign - the guy who didn't look like a typical freshman. 

____

Out of nowhere appeared quite a skinny guy, who put the “sign-guy”, yes, that’s how Yohan called him in his mind since he didn’t know his name, in a headlock.

“Did you miss me Youn-ah?”

“Jinhyuk, for the fuck’s sake, don’t surprise me like this.”

“So, how is everything going?” Jinhyuk asked to which Seungyoun just twisted his eyes in a circular motion as to fake annoyance.

“We literally saw each other last week Jinhyuk, nothing out of ordinary happened in my life since then.” But he continued right away. “The only thing that bothers me though, is your annoying ass. So now move.” And he pushed Jinhyuk a bit to get him to stop leaning on his back.

____

Yohan couldn’t hear what the two guys were talking about since they were quite far from him. And before he could even guess, Hangyul, his new friend, put a hand around Yohan’s shoulder to get his attention.

“What are you looking at so intensively, bro.” 

“Nothing”

“Yeah, sure, your face definitely says nothing. Come on man, just tell me.” Hangyul was persistent.

“Just that guy over there.” Pointed Yohan towards the sign-guy. “He looks fit.” _(__A/N: literal facepalm)_

“Hey dude, you are in the sports department, everyone is fit here.” A small laughing sound escaped Hangyul’s mouth. To which Yohan commented, that he shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.

Yohan gave one last glance to that direction and averted his gaze for good. The current conversation topic in the group was, which sports they were interested in. And Yohan easily engaged himself in that type of discussion.

____

"Hey," said the guy who was previously leaning on the rod of the sign. And who now caught the attention of everybody standing there. “Welcome to the sports department” the tall guy continued. “Actually, everyone please listen for a second.”

“My name is Cho Seungyoun and I’m a TA, which stands for teacher’s assistant, if you perhaps didn’t know, for a sports department, which also suggests I am your senior. Nice to meet you everyone.”

Right after the guy - Seungyoun said the word _senior_ he briefly glanced towards Yohan, whose ears turned a bit red. Oh, so he guessed him right, he wasn’t a freshman. But a TA guy? God Lord, lucky that he didn’t have the time to say something stupid to him. The guy certainly didn’t give off the vibe of a TA but who was Yohan to judge someone just from their first impression.

Before the TA guy could continue his speech, the guy next to him interrupted him.

"I am Jinhyuk" he pointed a finger towards his own face and continued with showing wide his set of teeth.

“Lee Jinhyuk, from social studies. I just wanted to introduce myself since I am actually a part of a-”.

He didn’t get to finish because Seungyoun pushed him a little with “Don’t you have to be somewhere, Jinhyuk?”

“Oh, crap, the meeting. Thanks bro. See you all later” And with that he just disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. 

“What a strange guy”, crossed Yohan’s mind briefly.

“He is in the organization team for this event and practically every event you will attend during your freshman year. Oh, and he is also a student’s body president. So you certainly don’t want to get on his bad side.”

In that moment Yohan realized, he had said it out loud. “Fuck.” He put both his hands on his mouth with a frightened look. Seungyoun walked to his side and just patted him on the back with a reassuring smile that everything was absolutely okay and he didn't have to worry about what he had said.

Seungyoun then stood in front of the others and continued his speech about how the rest of the orientation would look like. And with all that information they moved from that spot to have a look at the school facilities.

____

Later that evening all freshmen gathered in the assembly hall again but this time for something more fun. The party was coming! What an orientation would it be without games, music, alcohol and a good chat to make more friends and loosen up a bit especially around the seniors, who were yet to prove themselves to be not as intimidating as they had been portrayed. 

The kids were sitting in circles around the small tables with snacks and beer that the seniors had prepared. Only this time Yohan realized how many people were there. He was slowly sipping his beer when a younger-looking guy with brown slightly curly hair sat next to him.

“Hi, my name is Junho I’m a freshman in The Art department.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Yohan.” And he gave a friendly smile.

“I have actually seen you being just by yourself and since I am not a fan of big gatherings and loud people. I figured maybe you wouldn’t mind my company, hyung?” asked Junho with a bit of insecurity in his voice.

“Sure thing.” 

They got comfortable with each other pretty soon. Yohan got to find out that Junho is in fact 3 years younger but he had skipped some years since he was being considered an art prodigy. Only now it made sense how Junho called him hyung without asking for his age. The boy was 100% the youngest in the room. Midway their conversation Hangyul and some girls from sports joined in to share some gossips.

What surprised everyone was that Junho, although he looked innocent, he knew some pepper information about random people from the university be it freshmen or older students. He engaged himself in the gossipping so quickly. Well, more like he was the one feeding the others. He had quite a lot to share about the people in their school since he was a friend with Wooseok, who apparently told him all of it. Wooseok, a senior who didn’t attend the orientation and so no one knew, who was Junho talking about. But that was irrelevant.

Junho was pointing out important people with his finger.

“That girl over there is Sihyeon, from sports, so you definitely met her, what you maybe didn’t know is that she is a TV superstar, she appeared in some singing competition and signed with an agency. Impressive right?” The kids simply nodded.

“There you see the tall good looking guy, he is Kim Mingyu. Everyone is so interested in him.”

“I am not surprised with his looks.” Pointed out Hangyul.

"But he is just down to earth from what I have heard. He was a student enforcer in high school and hi is allegedly good at studying.”

“Yeah. He does Math. Like can you believe it. Math!!!!” Shouted Hangyul again.

Junho was not shaken a bit by Hangyul’s outburst, the later probably had a fair share of drinks, not that he was drunk, just in a mood, and he gave off a I-have-no-brain-in-general vibe. And so Junho continued introducing more and more people.

“Hey, Junho-ya. And who is that guy over there?” The question left Yohan’s mouth without even thinking much about it. The reason was because he was mesmerized by the stranger sitting at the table quite far from theirs.

“Oh, you mean Seungwoo-hyung? The guy with long brown bangs.”

"Yes, that one."

“He is a senior from the English department, but I heard he was previously in sports but had to change his major because of an injury.” Junho sipped from his alcohol-free beer and begun to speak again about the senior. “He is one of the most caring seniors here. Whenever anyone needs help he won’t hesitate. Definitely a person you can rely on.”

Yohan was listening carefully haw was Junho speaking nicely about the senior until some girl interrupted them.

"But guys did you know that our senior from the sports department, Baekjin, dates Yuri. That Yuri!” She exclaimed. 

In that second Baekjin appeared behind them. “And is there a problem with that?” He smiled mischievously. All the kids turned pale and no one dared to break the silence that occurred. Baekjin started laughing.

“You can’t take him that seriously.” Said Jinhyuk who stood behind him.

“He is just a crackhead in love, don’t mind him and continue where you left on. We want to hear some spicy stuff too.” Jinhyuk smiled again.

“Is that truly okay, hyung?”

“Continue!” shouted Baekjin excitedly.

And so Junho did, even when he felt a slight tremor in his hands. They were enjoying the evening. Jinhyuk and Baekjin entertained the freshmen with stories from when they were the new kids here. But Yohan couldn’t focus at all on anything of it that night. He was stealing glances towards the cute senior with long bangs.

“Also, I am just warning you. Don’t fall for our Seungyoun-ie. He already has a boyfriend. So get your hopes down.” Mentioned Baekjin when the topic of their conversation became the hot TA who guided them through the first day of the orientation. And who certainly charmed almost every girl or even boys in their department.

Yohan glanced again towards that specific direction as he did many times before, but this time his gaze met the eyes of the cute senior. Yohan was literally staring. When the senior, Seungwoo, smiled at him with partially closed eyes. He was beautiful, Yohan thought. 

____

Meanwhile, Seungyoun certainly didn’t miss this very subtle exchange of glances between Seungwoo, his Seungwoo and the new kid. 


	2. Seniors Know Better, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really not good at writing but these ships are so underrated that i had to do something. Hopefully i won't dissappoint much.

"Oh, god. You did it again!" said Seungyoun with clenched teeth. His voice was quieter than expected since he didn't want to make a commotion in the hallway to where anyone could come at any second. Especially with so many freshmen around he had to be careful and control his anger. But his eyes were a different matter. He was shooting daggers with them, his look aimed directly at Seungwoo. Seungyoun was furious.

Seungwoo gulped. Shall he say something or rather stay quiet? After a few seconds he responded meekly that he did nothing wrong this time, he didn't dare to look at Seungyoun but after deliberating his options he rose his head up. Slap!

Seungwoo didn't even manage to look at Seungyoun when his head turned right after Seungyoun's palm hit his left cheek. His eyes widened in shock but apart from that, he didn't show any reaction. At this point, it would be considered a provocation from his side. He didn't want Youn to be mad at him even more.

The time was ticking but none of the two did act in any way. The hallway was vacant, no one entered in the past 5 minutes. No one had seen the slap. Good, crossed Seungwoo's mind. At least nobody had spotted their small quarrel.

The momentary peace was broken by Seungyoun who leaned toward Seungwoo, his hand on the wall supporting his whole body. He was getting dangerously close to Seungwoo's face. But Seungwoo's personal space was never his to begin with. To anything Youn wanted to do Seungwoo wouldn't oppose. That was normal to do with a person you are committed to.

He felt Seungyoun's breath on his face. The second he thought Seungyoun would kiss him two girls entered the hallway. Seungwoo froze on the spot. The position they were in must have looked very intimately. Seungwoo's ears turned red.

Seungyoun moved his head so his lips almost touched Seungwoo's ear. And he whispered "Your eyes are pretty" and his fingers followed towards Seungwoo's fringe to swipe it a bit to the side.

The girls quickly continued walking to the direction they were going to before but giggled a bit when they passed around the two boys. Before the girl's voices left the hallway completely, almost inaudible "They are so cute together." was heard.

Seungyoun wrapped his hands around Seungwoo's body, they stayed in the embrace for about a minute. Even with this simple hug Seungwoo felt some possessive undertones so he stayed still. Seungyoun let Seungwoo out from his embrace but took his hand and started walking towards the assembly hall. The grip was tight.

____

Nobody expected Baekjin to be the sober one moreover the responsible one who would rush the remaining kids to go sleep already. It was 3 am when the party had ended but some kids were hard to persuade that it was time to go to beds.

Most of the seniors were cleaning the space in a hurry since the morning program was to start early and the time for resting was precious.

Junho and Yohan were the last freshmen who stayed this long, probably because they accompanied Baekjin and Jinhyuk for the major part of the night and so they didn't feel like it was right to leave before offering to help with cleaning. The room was a mess indeed.

After wiping the tables, Jinhyuk ushered them to go sleep too. Yohan and Junho said goodbye and quickly run out of the room.

"Ouch."

"Sorry hyung."

When Yohan went through the door he accidentally bumped into Seungwoo and Seungyoun but continued running after a quick apology.

Seungwoo and Seungyoun were looking in the direction Yohan disappeared to dumbfoundedly. Then they looked at each other. Seungwoo didn't miss the killer expression that flashed on Youn's face for a second.

"We have already cleaned for you, you lazy bums. Where were you?!" shouted Baekjin. And the two seniors turned to help with the rest which was not much considering they had disappeared when the cleaning had started.

____

"Yohan-hyung, are you sleeping yet?"

"Nah, thanks to you." was the reply Junho got.

They shared a temporary room with 4 other people for the sole purpose to get to know as many people as possible during the orientation. In few days they would get their respective rooms assigned and maybe they wouldn't be able to meet each other as often. Interesting, Junho and Yohan only knew each other for half a day but they were already best buddies.

"Hope we get to share a room for the whole year."

"Seungyoun is hot, right?" _(A/N: Yes he is)_ Junho completely ignored what Yohan said and then just randomly commented on their TA, who not to mention had a boyfriend? Yohan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

He got a faint "Sure" from his mouth to give Junho some reaction even though he definitely wasn't following the younger's flow of thoughts. Instead, his mind wandered towards the cute senior he was observing that evening.

Junho was still rumbling about the TA. "I am envious, I wonder who his boyfriend is, he must be so lucky."

"Do you like Seungyoun senior?" asked Yohan.

"Nope, I just heard they are the cutest couple at school." He continued with evident enthusiasm "How amazing it must be to have the whole school supporting you." "Beautiful."

Junho was obviously in his fantasy. But it was the same for Yohan. The image of Seungwoo senior couldn't leave his mind.

"What do you think hyung?"

… "Yohan-hyung?" "Kim Yo-Han."

It took a while before Yohan acknowledged Jonho's calls. Instead of repeating his question Junho asked why was Yohan so out of it the whole evening.

"I am gay." Yohan blurted out.

"Cool, so who do you like?"

Yohan wasn't expecting Junho's reaction to be so blunt, but what was he to expect from a boy who fantasized about their senior and his boyfriend.

"I don't like anyone now."

"I don't believe you hyung."

Yohan denied an attraction towards anybody again, but Junho continued teasing him about it.

"God, be quiet please!"

Hangyul who had been sleeping on the top bunk until now shushed them down. They admitted that it was probably the best moment to leave the conversation for some other time and finally get some deserved rest.

____

Right after the door handle of their shared room clicked close Seungwoo got pushed to the door mercilessly. The landing was harsh, his back would hurt tomorrow. Youn was still grabbing him by the shoulders. Although he looked thin, Seungyoun was definitely strong enough to pull Seungwoo down at any moment.

"Don't give me those eyes sweetheart."

Seungwoo's eyes were carefully scanning Seungyoun. As if he was waiting for what was going to come. Seungyoun let go of Seungwoo and in that moment the older dropped down to the ground, his legs betraying him.

He was a little scared, with Youn he never knew what was to happen, he always came with something new, _Exciting_ as he would say.

The lights in the room were very dim, window blinds were closed so no one could see inside or outside. Next to the door was a shared closet where they hanged all their clothes. On the left, there were two single beds pushed together to form one big bed. On the right side were two small wooden desks for boys to study at. The fourth wall was just a window under which on a small drawer a single fish in a small circular aquarium stood. They bought the fish together when they started dating. Seungwoo loved the fish.

It was an ordinary room.

Seungyoun walked in a circle for a moment, then stopped and took this big glass bowl they had in their room for some unknown reason and he threw it on the floor near Seungwoo. The glass shattered to the small pieces.

"Tsss" Seungwoo hissed. One lost glass fragment bounced off of the floor and scratched his cheek. It stung. There wasn't much blood but it left a red thin mark on his paperwhite skin.

Youn's eyes flickered with excitement. He shortened the distance between him and Seungwoo. He kneeled so he was right before Seungwoo who bore no reaction. Seungyoun licked the cut on Seungwoo's face with his tongue. Slowly. Painfully for sure.

Youn's gaze went down to Seungwoo's converse sneakers. He started untying one shoelace. He slowly loosened every part of the shoe and then gently grabbed Seungwoo's leg to take the shoe off completely.

Seungyoun looked up at his boyfriend and gave him a quick peck on lips. With that he went back to finish his work since one shoe was still on Seungwoo's thin long foot. After he got the other shoe off too he ruffled Seungwoo's hair and smiled widely, innocently almost like a kid who received a new toy.

Seungwoo was expecting something to happen soon. He didn't like this Youn a bit. There was a saying about the calm before the storm which he had taken to his heart when Seungyoun's demeanor had changed in the past and a certain actions had followed. He almost couldn't breathe from how he tried to suppress the slight trembling he felt within his whole body. It was the time.

"Hey, sweetheart." Said the younger and forced Seungwoo to get up by grabbing him tightly. With a reassurance that everything is going to be fine Seungyoun finally said "Be a good boy. Walk for me, okay?"

Seungwoo took a first step. The glass that stayed on the floor after Seungyoun broke the bowl sunk into Seungwoo's skin. With every step, he felt a sharp pain.

Seungyoun was watching him. Watching how the boy, his boyfriend, was walking on the broken glass barefoot with an endearing smile.

Seungyoun was sick. Seungwoo knew. This wasn't the first time something like this happened. And it definitely wasn't the last. In the four years they have been together Seungwoo learnt to cooperate with Youn for the sake of their relationship working out.

After about 5 minutes of walking, Seungwoo couldn't bear the pain anymore. At that moment Seungyoun snapped back. He saw Seungwoo, his lovely beautiful Seungwoo walking on shattered glass pieces.

Seungwoo turned toward his boyfriend and flashed him the biggest smile. Seungyoun was stunned for a second but immediately went to Seungwoo's side and got him to sit on the bed.

"Stay here. This needs to be taken care of." With that Youn left the room to get some towel and a bucket with hot water in their dormitory floor's shared bathroom.

Seungwoo was sitting on the bed like a doll his expression unchanged. When he came back Seungyoun grabbed Seungwoo's feet gently and slowly rubbed a wet towel on the injured skin. Seungwoo stayed silent.

Anyone would say the scene in front of their eyes was romantic, maybe sensual not being for Seungwoo's bloody feet.

"Woo."

"Yes?"

The silence followed.

"Woo. I am so sorry." Seungyoun started crying. The tears slowly flooded his eyes fully. He blamed himself for not stopping Seungwoo, for not noticing what was happening.

Seungwoo assured him with a faint smile that he was okay. How it didn't even hurt that much. Seungwoo cupped Youn's face in his hands and kissed him slowly. When they broke away from the kiss for the lack of air Seungyoun wasn't crying anymore.

Both of them were oblivious to how Seungwoo's eyes looked dead.

This was their reality. Seungyoun didn't remember that he had been the one who was to be blamed for Seungwoo's misfortune and Seungwoo was set on not telling him that, ever.

They fell asleep in a tight embrace with mutually exchanged words of love.


	3. The Cutest Couple. Indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep i procrastinated and so me failing the exam next week is kinda given. 
> 
> Than you so much everyone who comments. Reading them makes me so happy and motivates me to write even when i have literally no time for that.

Waking up was hard after only a few hours of sleep they got. Yohan tucked himself more in the duvet when he heard the annoying noise of Junho's morning alarm. He heard some giggles but wasn't willing to open his eyes yet. He believed it was Hangyul who for sure talked Junho in some mischief as a form of revenge. Little did he care.

The duvet suddenly disappeared from his possession.

YAH! Cha Junho. What the hell you think you are doing!" shouted Yohan in a loud annoyed manner.

The giggles stopped which confused Yohan pretty much.

He slowly opened one eye and waited until his vision adjusted to the lighting in the room. Yohan looked to the direction where Junho and Hangyul were standing as he predicted. But seeing their paled faces, he was confused.

In that second he got water splashed on his face. And in front of him stood nobody else than his department's TA.

"Good morning princess. The activities start in 15minutes. You better get yourself ready." Seungyoun snickered at Yohan's frozen grimace of confusion, surprise, and fear and he left the room to give the youngers their space.

In fifteen minutes all the students started to gather up near the football field as they were supposed to. Before the trio could even make it there they got called to the basketball court situated next to the field by Baekjin senior. There were also other seniors from the sports department and few others.

The freshmen from the sports department started appearing one after another. Yohan didn't know why everything was so puzzling today. What could have Baekjin wanted from them right when the morning program was about to start, he wondered.

"So everyone, before I let you go to attend the program I have the honor to tell you that after lunch there is going to be a football match between seniors and you. So don't tire yourself out too much before that." shouted Baekjin as if he was the one responsible for notifying them.

With that, the morning program was finally to start. Everyone got to choose what they want to try from various club activities. This segment was supposed to take only until lunch because its main purpose was to introduce optional subjects the school offers students to take outside of their field of study.

Yohan wasn't particularly interested in anything so he joined his seniors at the basketball court once again. They played street on one half of the court. It was chill. They weren't absorbed in the game, possibly because it was just distraction during their free time before they had to go back to their responsibilities.

Yohan spotted Baekjin talking to Seungyoun. "How is Woo?" he heard and he saw how Seungyoun's smile faded. It didn't go unnoticed by Baekjin as well based on how he asked Seungyoun whether was everything okay or if there was something he wanted to discuss.

Yohan felt weird to be listening to what they were talking about but the mention of the cute senior made him curious. But his eavesdropping was soon put to its end as he was called back to the game.

____

After lunch, everyone gathered at the field again this time most of the students were just excited to see the seniors play. The senior's team, well not all of them were seniors, so more like a non-freshmen team consisting of: Seungyoun, Baekjin, Jinhyuk, there was also a guy called Kookheon, but who surprised Yohan the most was Seungwoo.

Seungwoo was supposed to have a knee injury if he had remembered correctly. So how it came he was playing? crossed Yohan's mind.

Little did Yohan know that the knee was Seungwoo's least important problem at the moment. His feet hurt like crazy, but being the "I can bear it all" person. He didn't want to back off from the game. Even though Seungyoun did not approve of him playing. Seungwoo knew how to be stubborn and definitely wouldn't budge from his decision. Eventually, Seungyoun had stopped bugging him about what was best for his body. 

The game started and Seungyoun as a captain made Seungwoo to take a goalkeeper position so he didn't have to move that much, which later on evoked a small dispute between the two seniors, which took place in front of the other team members.

"Youn-ah, get me out of the goal, please?" started Seungwoo with a pout. "I am not as weak as you think. I can manage." With every new statement, Seungwoo's voice got a bit louder.

None of the seniors understood why was Youn so set on keeping Seungwoo just standing there. Sure he had a knee injury but that had happened a long time ago so it didn't mean he couldn't play.

"Oh, god just shut up!" shouted Seungyoun.

After getting surprised stares from everyone Seungyoun apologized and decided to let Seungwoo really play.

The second half started. Yohan was in the team with Hangyul and some guys he had no chance to talk to before today's match even though they were also freshmen in his department - Yuvin and Sihyun.

The current score was 1:0 for the seniors and so they had to step up their game soon if they wanted to prove themselves. Although the shouts and cheers from the audience were directed solely to the seniors, every freshman secretly rooted for their peers to win.

20 minutes after the second half had started the freshmen tried for a breakthrough. Yohan dribbled the ball around Seungyoun. It was tough to get past him. The older was a really good player. He was the school's team captain for a reason.

When the ball was to be stolen from Yohan he passed to Hangyul who advanced forward. Normally Seungyoun wouldn't hurry back that quickly but he saw that Hangyul's direction was towards Seungwoo. He didn't even hesitate for a second and just run to Seungwoo's side too.

Seungyoun knew Woo was in pain although the older didn't let it show. The cuts on his feet couldn't even have formed scabs overnight.

Hangyul had only one obstacle before scoring, Seungwoo was aware that he had to stop the freshman at any cost. With every step, he felt a sting but still run to his fullest power. He and Hangyul were zigzagging around each other. Seungwoo tried to tackle the ball. But then he felt excruciate pain. Hangyul used that moment to pass through not noticing that Seungwoo was falling.

Seungwoo stepped badly and his leg gave up. He was ready to hit the ground when Youn caught his arm.

It felt as if the time stopped. Seungwoo, from the position he was in, saw only the light blue sky, white fluffy clouds and Seungyoun's face. Their eyes met. Seungyoun's face showed a bit of a worry. This was that kind of a moment when Seungwoo realized how much he loved Seungyoun.

He could have gotten for the ball, to stop Hangyul but he didn't. He came to protect Seungwoo. To show him how he cares for him. Seungwoo smiled at Seungyoun. His eyes closed and the heart fluttered. Then he felt the ground. They both fell one on the top of the other.

Seungyoun came too late to catch Seungwoo before falling, but still reached out his arm knowing they would probably fall anyway.

Seungwoo was then forced to go sit on the bench for the rest of the match. The seniors won the game.

____

The end of the orientation came with 6 pm showing on the clock. Everyone gathered in an assembly hall for the last time, freshmen sitting on the chairs and the others standing in the back. The principal had his closing speech where he also thanked the seniors who helped with the organization. Then Jinhyuk went up to say his final speech too.

Seungwoo wasn't listening any of that he was deeply in his thoughts. What happened in the past two days got stuck on his mind. He questioned his necessity in Youn's life. What if he was dragging Seungyoun down. What if these mood swings he had, were caused because Seungwoo wasn't a good boyfriend.

Youn looked so happy when he was with his friends, Jinhyuk, Baekjin and others. But did Seungyoun need him as much as he needed Seungyoun? His head was a mess. He started thinking what if Youn found someone else, someone who was better than him.

In Youn's eyes, he must have been a nuisance, someone unworthy to receive Seungyoun's love. Someone who wouldn't have been able to help him with his… With that thought, Seungwoo started shaking. He was good for nothing who couldn't help Seungyoun when he needed it.

Meanwhile, the orientation was officially declared as finished. The freshmen took their belongings and started leaving for home before they were supposed to move to the dormitory after the weekend.

When the majority of students left Seungwoo grabbed Seungyoun's hand with a bit of uneasiness and dragged him to the storage room which was connected to the assembly hall.

They stood opposite to each other and a single tear escaped Seungwoo's eye. Youn cupped his face with his hands and kissed him, slowly, gently, lovingly.

"What is going on Woo?"

"I love you." With that Seungwoo closed his eyes missing Seungyoun's smile.

____

The weekend passed on quickly. The day when the freshmen had to check in to their new dormitory rooms came and everything was chaotic.

Yohan met with Junho and Hangyul at the entrance to the school campus and they moved together to check the room distribution board.

They were absentmindedly looking on the board for their own names.

"Block C."

"C03."

"Corridor 03."

"Sixth floor."

Junho and Yohan looked at each other with a mischievous grin. They were thinking the same. Yohan used his hand to signalize counting, 3… 2… 1!

"Room 606!" they shouted in unison.

They had no idea how they could be this lucky. And Hangyul was assigned a room near theirs too. All three took their luggage and started walking toward their new "home" for a year.

On the stairs between the fourth and fifth floor, they met a super attractive guy who looked like a baby deer and who was soon introduced to them by Junho as Wooseok, senior majoring in Art and English Language.

"Call me hyung, okay. And see you later on." Said Wooseok and continued on his way.

When they eventually reached their room, they were too tired to unpack so they just lay down in beds and talked about their expectations for the semester.

A loud knock on the door could be heard. Outside stood Baekjin having Hangyul under the headlock. "Hey kids let's go play cards. I will introduce you to some important people." Baekjin emphasized the word _important_ a bit too much.

They entered in Jinhyuk's room, which was just one floor under theirs, where they met a ton of people sitting on the beds having a table with cards in between.

"So introduction," shouted Baekjin. "These are Hangyul, Yohan and Junho, freshmen."

"And here we have Yuri, my boyfriend." With that everyone just laughed. Baekjin continued "he is in sports, senior." He then pointed his hand to the next person "Midam, junior in English. Sejin, senior in Art, he also founded Marimong, cool right? Hyeonsu is our junior. You have met Kookheon already right?" The three just nodded.

Baekjin pointed at another person. It was a guy with like a deepest dimples ever. "This-"

"Hi, I am Byungchan, junior, I do Math and Social Studies." And then he winked.

"Drop it off Byung." Said Baekjin and continued. "So you already know Jinhyuk and this is his boyfriend Wooseok. And that's all. So take a seat."

The people on the beds moved a bit so the boys could sit with them but Jinhyuk stopped Yohan.

"Yohan-ah, could you please go and bring Seungyoun? He is in 507, just a few rooms next to us. Thanks."

____

To walk that 10 meters from Jinhyuk and Wooseok's room took him a bit. He wondered if it was okay to just knock on the senior's door, especially since Seungyoun TA still looked intimidating to Yohan.

At the end he was standing in front of the door 507. This room must be directly under ours he thought. Without a further do he knocked on the door.

The door handle moved and the door opened slightly. So only the person in the crack could be seen but not inside the room. And like that he met with the cute senior – Seungwoo.

Yohan just stared.

"Ehm, do you need anything?"

"Sorry I- I must have the wrong room."

Before Yohan could leave he heard, "Who is it baby?" by a familiar voice.

Seungyoun approached Seungwoo and wrapped his arms around Seungwoo's waist almost protectively.

"Oh, Yohan-ah. What is it?"

"Jinhyuk-hyung told me to get you."

"Oh but I have other plans right now." And he tightened the grip on Seungwoo's waist. This time rather possessively. Seungwoo's cheeks appeared a bit pink-tinted.

"Sure. I will deliver the message. Maybe next time." And with a face red like a tomato, he left the two to themselves.

And then the realization hit him hard.

"Seungwoo senior is Seungyoun TA's boyfriend!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it came out as Yohan centric fic, which was not planned at all. I wanted seungwoo centric fic, so i may try experimenting with the next chapter. It may turn out a bit weird, since i want it to be from Woo's pov a lot from now on + main focus should be on ryeunseung... i don't know where i am going with this but some adjustments needs to be done. Quickly. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	4. Freshman Year - All Fun, Games and Broken Hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are probably gonna hate Seungyoun even more in this chapter and the upcoming chapters too. But please be patient Seungyoun is very unfortunate individual who is just a bit difficult to be understood at first but still is a bae. I feel so bad for making him kinda evil but it has reasons!

When Yohan disappeared from their sight Seungyoun tucked Seungwoo inside their room. He grabbed Seungwoo by the older's thin waist and cupped him in his embrace. They stood like that for a bit. Seungyoun rested his head on Woo's shoulder and tightened his hands more.

Seungyoun hated how Yohan was eyeing Seungwoo. He did it the first night of the orientation and then during the match too. Who knew how many times had Yohan been staring at his boyfriend. He didn't like that at all.

"Seungwoo, I don't like how Yohan is looking at you. It bothers me so much."

Seungyoun let go of Woo's waist and cupped his face instead. He softly pressed his lips to Seungwoo's plum-colored ones. The kiss lasted only a few seconds but Seungwoo's cheeks already got pinkish. With the second kiss Seungyoun initiated something more, he bit Seungwoo's lip and when the older slightly opened his mouth as a reaction, Seungyoun's tongue went inside.

"Not now Youn-ah."

"Woo." Seungyoun ignored Seungwoo's pleads and carried on with another hungry kiss.

Seungwoo pushed Seungyoun away. They stood opposite to each other and stared themeselves in the eyes. It was a battle with their gazes. Seungwoo was the first one to lower his gaze and break the connection off. Youn shortened the distance between them again. He grabbed Seungwoo's arm and made his voice more prominent when he said.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?!!"

Seungwoo tried to yank his arm out of Seungyoun's grasp but Youn only tightened his grip. He then threw Seungwoo on the bed and hovered over him. Seungyoun pinned Seungwoo down and studied how the older's expression changed from unwillingness to fear.

The scratch from the glass from few days ago was no longer present on Seungwoo's face which made his skin pure white again. He would have to paint it again, thought Seungyoun. White porcelain was pretty but it was even prettier when you added colors. Red, purple, Seungyoun thought these suited Seungwoo the best.

"You are mine only." Seungyoun kissed Seungwoo on the lips once and proceeded to shower his shoulders with kisses and bites in the neck area. He was sucking the skin so hard until red spots and purple bruises appeared. He had to color this canvas more and more.

Seungwoo was scared but then, he went from feeling pain to numbness to the feeling of being loved. Seungyoun wouldn't do this to anyone else, in this context Seungwoo was special to Seungyoun. With every new bite, lick, scratch, hit, you name it, he felt his value more.

Seungwoo turned his face towards the window where the aquarium stood and where one little goldfish was circling in the empty glass bowl. What a lonely life he thought. Luckily he wasn't alone in this prison they created without a way out. He was with Seungyoun.

In the end, Woo let Youn to do anything he wanted to him, because in the dynamics they created, this was also a sign of love.

When Youn fell asleep Seungwoo attempted to leave with an intention to take a shower. He got up from the bed, where Youn was resting peacefully. He looked like a big baby tangled in the duvets. Seungwoo tried to be very quiet since he was aware that Youn's episode hadn't finished yet, but he accidentally kicked the leg of the bed with his foot. He hissed from the momentary pain which woke Seungyoun up.

"What."

"I didn't-" Seungwoo had no time to finish his sentence because Seungyoun was already up pushing Seungwoo out of the door, from their room. In a span of seconds, Seungwoo was standing in the hallway only in his sweatpants and shirt, which smelled like sex. He looked a mess. He had no keys and no way of how to get inside. Asking Seungyoun to open the door wasn't an option but going to the dormitory office to ask for the spare key in the state he was in didn't seem like a good idea either. He was lost. Not that something like this hadn't happened before, only this time he really couldn't go to a different building to solve the matter. He couldn't go to Jinhyuk's either, he was afraid their friends would still be there.

Seungwoo spent two hours sitting on his heels in the hallway leaning his back on the wall waiting. After what felt like eternity Youn finally opened the door.

"Did you forget your keys again? You should have knocked." Said Seungyoun with a yawn and let Seungwoo in.

____

The last few days before the semester started passed so quickly. Freshmen were still exploring the campus, getting to know each other, looking for the right books to buy. The dormitory was kind of a mess. Most stressful was the individual timetable organization. Some subjects had only a limited number of slots for people to register the subject. For higher year's students, it was a battle.

Everyone was sitting behind their computers waiting for the hand on the clock to turn and signalize 5 pm. That was the set time for registration. Yohan as a first-year didn't have to worry much, he had years to take all the required classes so the pressure wasn't there at all.

On the other hand, Seungwoo, Seungyoun and others who were in their final year had a lot to worry about. They luckily got all the subjects they needed to register, but Seungwoo was unfortunate and his seminar groups were a mess. His finalized timetable looked horrifying and he had no idea at what times he would be going to his part-time job at the café. He was a bit anxious that he won't manage everything but Seungyoun assured him that everything will turn out alright. Youn told him how he knew how amazing Seungwoo was so there shouldn't have been any problem with the timetable.

The two of them were different majors but managed to share some classes concerning the educational part for all the future teachers.

Seungwoo was still a bit emo about his timetable. Seungyoun pat his head and flashed a smile.

"Let me treat you a cake."

At the café they saw Wooseok, Byungchan, Junho and Yohan, so they sat with them. Seungyoun introduced Seungwoo as his boyfriend, who studied English language and literature to be a teacher, to the two freshmen who officially haven't met Seungwoo before. The five of them were talking about their summer and Yohan started his own small talk with Seungwoo.

In a bit, they were fully engaged in various topics, mostly music which both of them liked very much. At some point in all this Seungyoun put his hand casually on Seungwoo's thigh.

"I have heard you were previously a sports major, but you injured your knee. How did that happen?" asked Yohan with curiousness in his voice. The question attracted the attention of everyone else at the table. Youn's hand subconsciously squeezed Seungwoo's thigh and he exchanged painful look with Woo.

Seungwoo gulped. "It was an accident." And with that it was quiet, nobody at the table said anything. The awkwardness lingered in the air.

Byungchan interrupted the silence boldly. "Let's go get an ice cream!"

____

The one and only class Yohan shared with students outside of his major was a Creative Teaching class, a class for all future teachers to broaden their knowledge of many useful teaching methods. The concept was to share and discuss ideas about how to make studying interesting. It was not unusual for freshmen and seniors to share this class since the teachers believed the age difference created an opportunity for a wide range of opinions.

When Yohan entered the class for the first time he found out he was sharing it with Seungyoun TA and Seungwoo senior, but other than that he didn't encounter Seungwoo senior in any of his other classes. With Seungyoun TA though, Yohan shared many practical classes, for example, Ball Games class.

Yohan only met Seungwoo a few times outside of the class, on the hallway or the dormitory staircase but he always tried to start the conversation. Yohan wasn't aware of his feelings towards the older and with Seungwoo being oblivious Yohan had no chance to find the purposes behind his actions different from normal freshman-senior relationship.

When Yohan came back to his room after his last class of the day, he found Hangyul there being deeply engaged in conversation with Junho.

"Yohan-hyung come sit with us." Invited him Junho.

Yohan felt like a cornered prey, the two friends looked at him with grins.

"You like Seungwoo-hyung, right?"

At this point the freshmen called the older students, they befriended, _hyungs_. It was only natural since the awkwardness lasted only for about a week after the orientation but then the students, especially the ones living in the dormitory became more natural with each other.

"No I don't." denied Yohan. He wasn't in love with Seungwoo-hyung. How did they even think about that, he wondered.

"What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Seungwoo-hyung?"

"Fluffy lips, dreamy eyes" murmured Yohan almost inaudibly. The sentence left his lips involuntary. What spoke for him was his subconsciousness.

Junho raised his eyebrows, Hangyul snorted and then started laughing hard. "You are far gone man!"

"Too bad for you, he already has his other half."

Yohan wasn't in denial anymore but the reality hit him. Seungwoo-hyung had an established relationship with Seungyoun-hyung, who he was very happy with.

"I heard they started dating in their first semester." Spoke up Junho's gossiping self.

"Where did you get that from?"

"You know, Jinhyuk-hyung talks a lot. He also told me what pranks he and Seunghyun-hyung pulled on Wooseok-hyung when they were 7 years old. Apparently, the three of them knew each other since childhood."

Hangyul was in awe at how much Junho knew about people who had been strangers to them just a few weeks ago.

Yohan only stated "I am fucked up. My chances are none."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the chapter being so short. Also I passed the written part of my exam but I still have the oral part (which is 10 times more difficult) on Monday.


	5. The Timid Ones Shouldn't Be Left Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had very bad day today and maybe the chapter turned out to be more negative than how i intended it to be because of that. I am sorry.

Being protective over his boyfriend was normal but Seungyoun was easy to get jealous without a valid reason. He was possessive and territorial_._ Seeing Seungwoo talking with Yohan all the time angered him a lot. The two of them shared only one class where they paradoxically didn't interact, possibly because Seungyoun shot daggers in Yohan's direction anytime the younger even tried to approach them.

But they still met in the hallways, where they exchanged small talks, and sometimes over the lunch, because in their group of friends you hardly got to isolate someone out. A month in the semester Seungyoun's patience was coming short.

"Woo, we need to talk." approached Seungyoun his boyfriend who was resting in their room one evening after their classes ended for the day. Seungwoo averted his gaze from the book he was reading. It was Boris Vian's Foam of the Daze. Seungyoun never understood based on what factors was Seungwoo choosing his literature. He imagined that all intellectuals read the most bizarre pieces. And so he categorized the book to that group although he had no idea what the book was about. _(A/N: the book is so damn fine I recommend)_

When he had Seungwoo's full attention his face turned serious. "I don't want to see you talking to Yohan." Seungwoo was expecting anything but this took him by a surprise.

"Seungyoun-ah?"

Seungwoo noticed that Seungyoun was tearing up already. He must have been emotionally exhausted to break down this easily. Youn's emotions turned another turn and he even started to be hysterical. "You are mine, and mine only." he hiccupped.

Seungwoo was surprised, this hadn't happend in as far as he could remember, so he was glued to the chair with his body frozen and his mind wandering towards possible approaches to the situation which would hopefully lead to a successful solution. His stream of thoughts was interrupted by Youn's graduatingly louder utterances.

"You can't leave me, you are never leaving me, understand?"

Seungwoo woke up from his trance and finally got up from the chair intending to slowly approach Seungyoun who was obviously having one of his less aggressive, more emotional episodes. Seungwoo's steps were careful, he was constantly aware of their surroundings and Seungyoun's possible shifts in mood.

"Why would you say that? I would never-"

He got interrupted by Seungyoun's shouting. "I will kill myself if you leave. You can't leave me." Seungwoo swallowed.

"You aRE MINE, MINE!"

After that outburst, Seungyoun calmed a bit which was indicated by the volume of his voice. But he started mumbling and his whole body was shaking.

"We are meant to be. Only I can love you as you are. And only you can love me, nobody else."

Seungwoo continued shortening the distance between the two of them. But Youn misinterpreted it as Seungwoo trying to walk out through the door situated behind Seungyoun and that he couldn't allow. "Don't you dare to leave here." his voice now cold.

"Youn-ah, I am not going anywhere." Seungwoo was still attempting to cross the small distance, now with his arms opened in the position indicating that he wanted to hug Seungyoun.

That second the water kettle, on the desk next to where Seungyoun was standing, signalized that the boiling had been finished. In the unexpected situation happening to them, Seungwoo completely forgot how he had water boiling to make tea for himself. Seungyoun panicked and grabbed the kettle.

"I will pour this on myself if you leave."

Not until now was Seungwoo getting worried. Finding Youn in his weakest point was odd. Seungwoo was expecting Youn to pour the hot water on himself in the end independently on the situation, therefore, he had to act quickly. He jumped over that one meter previously separating them. But Seungyoun understood it in the negative way and moved the kettle to the angle where the water started running out with the subconscious intention to pour it on himself. His mind was telling him that he needed to stop Seungwoo from leaving in any case, he wasn't aware of the impact of his actions. When he was in his episode Seungyoun had an understanding on what is right and wrong on the same level as a four-year-old kid.

It all happened too quickly. Both of them were confused as to what had just happened. The realization hit Youn a bit too late, he put the kettle back on its place on the table and bowed down to Seungwoo who was squatting on the floor with one of his hands clutched towards his body.

Seungyoun stretched out his arm to grab Seungwoo's hand to inspect how bad the burnt was, but Seungwoo flinched when Youn touched him. As far as Youn could see the injury wasn't as serious but that didn't derogate the situation.

"Nothing happened Youn-ah." assured him Seungwoo.

Seungyoun eyed him with a skeptical look. If nothing this outcome had calmed Seungyoun's previous outburst and probably broke off the momentum of his episode. That was what mattered the most to Seungwoo. His Youn was back. Seungwoo got up from the floor and with a weak "I will go to the infirmary for some ointment" he left Seungyoun in the room alone.

The second Seungwoo left the room and the door shut closed a heavy exhale escaped his mouth. He dropped to the floor, unable to stay on his legs, he was obviously shaken, being with Seungyoun for years didn't mean he was immune to his boyfriend's actions.

Seungyoun slipped down to the floor too, just on the opposite side of the door. He couldn't, for the god's sake, remember anything previous to Seungwoo having a burnt on his hand. How else was he supposed to interpret it than that Seungwoo was self-harming again. But he couldn't put a cause to the consequences. What had triggered Seungwoo to do this to himself?

____

After pretty much deliberating whether his injury needed health care or not. He decided that going back inside would be the best. Seungyoun was probably worried about him by now and sitting on the floor in the common space was also not so clever an idea. He got back on his wobbly legs. Even though he had his emotions under the control his body acted correspondingly to what he had experienced just now. Seungwoo's hand was trembling to the point where he couldn't even put the key inside the keyhole how much tremor he felt.

Someone tapped his shoulder. He almost jumped from the shock.

"You ok?"

Behind him stood Jinhyuk with concerned expression. Seungwoo's obvious struggle to stand properly didn't go unnoticed by Jinhyuk's attentive eyes. The student body president put two and two together and before Seungwoo could protest Jinhyuk was leading him to his and Wooseok's room for a serious talk.

Jinhyuk sat Seungwoo down on his bed, put a mug with Iranian Saffron tea in his trembling hands and proceed to look for some bandages or anything that could help Seungwoo's burnt. Wooseok was a clumsy person so they always had a first aid kit ready in their room.

Jinhyuk cautiously brought the topic up. "Isn't it getting worse?"

"It won't leave a scar," remarked Seungwoo ignoring Jinhyuk's question completely. He was hypnotizing the mug not looking up, because meeting Jinhyuk's eyes would gave out all the answers. His friend knew that the composed look was just a mask but Seungwoo tried hard to buckle up his emotions as he had always done.

Jinhyuk sat next to him and examined the injury, put some magical cream on it and hid it with a white medical dressing. "I am not judging you or what the two of you have been doing for the past four years." he sighed "I am just worried, I don't think you can handle it anymore."

Jinhyuk was Seungyoun's friend since they were small kids, he clearly knew about his mental issues. This all could have been prevented, had his parents forced him to visit a psychiatrist. But no, they had decided to ignore that their kid had a problem and hide everything not only from the world but from the kid himself.

So far their plan had worked with some little mishaps but since Seungyoun and Seungwoo had started dating, things had changed. Jinhyuk suggested Seungwoo to persuade Seungyoun into visiting a doctor who could help him. And for Seungwoo it would be good too to find someone to talk to about it.

"It doesn't have to be me, but you should have someone you can talk to." With that, he gave Seungwoo two business cards urging him that he and Seungyoun would be much happier if they both tried to get help from a professional.

"If you want to stay with Seungyoun, you shall take care of yourself too." Jinhyuk and Seungwoo shared the eye contact both knowing that things were slipping out of their hands and some adjustments were needed.

____

The days after the kettle incident were normal almost as if nothing had happened. Seungwoo and Seungyoun's shared room was the same as always. The fish in the aquarium was still making its repetitive moves forward and back when it hit the glass. Forward and back. Forward. Back.

The boy was standing there examining the fish. Pondering about the stereotype he lived in. He dug his fingers in the back pocket of his jeans and took out a crumpled business card. After so much thinking he dialed the number written on the card. He was nervous.

"Hello, this is Lee's psychological clinic, how can I help you?"

His mouth was dry, he felt like having a dumpling stuck in his throat. He couldn't get a word out. The woman on the line spoke again, she was probably used to people being nervous when calling to a psychological clinic for the first time. With a soothing voice, she asked "Would you like to make an appointment?"

To which he stuttered "Yes, I would like to." With the date and time set, the call has ended. It wasn't as hard as he was expecting it to be for as huge of a step towards a better future. Although he was told it would help he didn't believe it a bit. He was going to see some kind of a charlatan only because he was asked to do so.

When the time of the appointment rolled around he was nervous. The building the charlatan was residing in looked way different than what he was expecting. Not some kind of white dull hospital-like building but a small two-floor building with outside staircase, ton of plants on the floor, or hanging up on the railings. The building even had a courtyard with a tree and a bench under it. The place was cozy.

After he knocked on the right door a likable-looking man in his late thirties greeted him with a smile. The man clothed in casual attire, no white doctor's coat, introduced himself as Lee Dongwook, a psychologist.

"Welcome, you must be Han Seungwoo-ssi."

The room looked like a small library. There were books on every shelf from the floor to the ceiling all the way. Seungwoo only glanced at some but to his surprise, the books weren't medical it looked more like a personal collection. There were no windows in the room but it didn't make it stuffy. Mr. Lee offered tea and asked him to choose one out of the four chairs in the room, each completely different, to sit on.

Seungwoo chose a cozy armchair in the corner of the room right next to one of the shelves with books. The chair had small legs and wide seat so it almost ate the whole of his body and therefore worked as a possible mental protection.

Their consultation, if he could call it that, started. With the first few questions, Dongwook helped Seungwoo to calm a bit. He asked about his day, what positive happened to him and what was he looking forward to in the upcoming days. But Seungwoo was expecting the hard questions were yet to come and he wasn't wrong. Soon he was asked to talk about himself a bit and especially about his worries and the reason why he had decided to visit a psychologist.

Seungwoo talked about his friends, he mentioned Wooseok, Jinhyuk, Byungchan and he obviously mentioned his boyfriend Seungyoun but overall he was very reserved when talking about himself. He was, in fact, talking to the person he was meeting for the first time, how could he be expected to share something personal right away.

Dongwook was carefully listening and observing Seungwoo's gestures and his tone when he was talking. And then he asked a crucial question "What happened to your hand?"

Seungwoo froze, he almost forgot he had a burnt hand. "Excuse me?" he meaked out swallowing a gulp. Dongwook reassured him, that he could say anything. Seungwoo's eyes were wandering around the room, not exactly paying attention to anything specific. He met Dongwook's eyes and said he did it himself which was a partial truth. From Seungwoo's point of view, he was the reason for his injury happening, he provoked Seungyoun and he forced him to act which resulted in the accident.

"Did it hurt?"

"It did?" Seungwoo answered with a questioning tone, which surprised both of them but Dongwook didn't comment on that.

"If you are uncomfortable with me asking about that, what about telling me about your boyfriend something more instead?"

"Seungyoun-ie? He is the most amazing person in my life, caring and loving. This is the fourth year we are together. I couldn't be more lucky."

Dongwook nodded and asked a few more questions. With that their session ended. When Seungwoo left the room Dongwook re-read his notes and wrote down "delusion, victim of an abuse, question mark".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some fluff prepared for the next chapter so wait for it. :)


	6. Pink Is in Between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promissed a fluff and there is a fluff indeed but there is also a bit of angst. Hope you like it. 
> 
> Also thank you everyone for reminding me that after bad days good days will come. And sorry for making you wait for this chapter for so long.

_flashback_

Seungwoo stood before an old-looking six storey building situated in the campus of his university which was soon to become his home for upcoming years. It was already a week in the semester but he was moving in a bit late because of some circumstances at home.

His thoughts for the past few days were floating around the dormitory. How will his roommate be, how would it be to be far away from home, sisters, Busan. He was nervous but excited as almost every freshman could be when finally becoming independent.

Carrying just one small luggage he stepped in the building. First thing he noticed inside was a glass window with an old lady sitting behind it. She was a bit of a woman, meaning she was fat, but he definitely wouldn't make any remark on that, not even in his head, since her size had nothing to do with what kind of a person she was. He approached her and after giving her his full name and ID card she smiled at him and gave him the keys to his room, room 507/C03.

He was too tired after commuting from Busan that he decided to choose the elevator over the stairs. The ride gave him some chills since the lights in the elevator flashed a few times and then turned off completely for about 15seconds. The space was tiny and the cabin was shaking a bit when going up. He made a mental note to use stairs next time.

After finding his corridor he looked for his room. There it was 507, Seungwoo was nervous what if some of the scenarios his sister told him about was to happen? Sunhwa, his sister told him, that it would be better to contact his roommate beforehand so he is notified of Seungwoo's moving in. The most bizarre scenario Sunhwa talked about was… nevermind, it was just too surreal, Seungwoo was positive it wouldn't happen.

He breathed in and out to make himself less nervous and then knocked on the door. He could just use the key he got, but he wanted to be considerate of his roommate who could have been inside. He waited but nothing happened. He concluded that the room was empty, at least at that time, and so it would be okay to invite himself in. He turned the key in the lock and slowly opened the door.

Not in any universe had he expected Sunhwa's prognosis to be true. In the room, he saw a guy, most probably his roommate and some blonde girl doing some 18+ stuff. His face turned red, he unintentionally locked his eyes with the guy which set him on panic. He quickly excused himself and closed the door. He appeared once again in front of his dorm's door. This time not nervous but shaken by what he had seen.

He was panicking now, what was he supposed to do. He definitely was not going inside again. But he had no place to go to, he was alone in Seoul with almost no money. His internal crisis have started. He was debating his options with his mind occasionally wandering towards what he just saw. How could this be possible. He hadn't believed Sunhwa a bit when she said "You never know, what if the guy has his girlfriend there and you will come right to them having sex." Seungwoo even suggested his sister to get checked somewhere for even thinking of this unrealistic scenario.

As unbelievable as it was he was facing it right now. He was still spaced out and in absolute disbelief when the door to his (if he can call it that) room opened again this time from the inside. The guy in the room grabbed him by the arm and pulled Seungwoo in. He offered or rather forced Seungwoo on the chair and scanned him with his eyes.

Seungwoo was uncomfortable so he eyed the room, there wasn't much to see since the window blinds were closed, probably to make the atmosphere a bit more intimate. Anyway, he didn't want to look at the guy, but the fact that he was very much still naked didn't help at all. Actually, Seungwoo could be thankful that the guy pulled his boxers on at least.

At some point he had to pay full attention to the guy towering over him and quite blocking Seungwoo's view with how he had positioned his hands on the armrests of the chair Seungwoo was seated on. He was tall black-haired and had this massive gun tattoo on the right side of his torso. He looked half-annoyed but there was something more to his expression. Was it excitement?

"Oh, sweet boy what business do you have here? You are not my new roommate, are you?"

"I suppose, I am."

Seungwoo felt so small, he was still phased by the situation. The guy introduced himself as Cho Seungyoun, freshman in the sport department. Seungwoo only stared at him blankly. He was too confused as to what was happening, that he managed to freeze.

"Oh, sweetheart…" said Seungyoun and leaned forward to examine Seungwoo's face.

Seungwoo backed out and peeped his introduction "Han Seun-Seungwoo, sport, freshman". What kind of a weird move was this guy, Seungyoun, making on him, was on Seungwoo's mind the whole time. Meanwhile, the girl who was there up to that point managed to dress herself and decided to leave.

"I would like to get to know you better, but she is good at what she is doing, so I gotta catch up with her," said Seungyoun and with a quick "See you later, cutie." he winked at Seungwoo and left him on his own.

_End of flashback_

When Seungwoo managed to shake off this memory he was sitting in the canteen having lunch with Youn, Baekjin, and Yuri. Luckily no one noticed how he had spaced out. Seungwoo had no idea why he recalled the memory from his first encounter with Seungyoun but he had no time to think about that since he noticed Youn steeling tofu chunks from his plate. Seungwoo gave him a stare but Seungyoun put the last piece of tofu in his mouth and flashed a cheeky grin. They continued dining comfortably.

When they were mid-lunch Yohan came by, he didn't come to eat, he was actually looking for the two couples. Yohan and some other friends had planned to go to an amusement park after school and he came to invite the seniors too. Yuri and Baekjin had their own plans so they politely declined the offer. Seungwoo, on the other hand, could use some distraction from school so he looked at Youn and asked him with too much enthusiasm whether he wanted to go or not.

Seungyoun realized how much Seungwoo wanted to go, but he expressed his disinterest. Seungwoo understood and declined the offer. It was shown that both Yohan and Seungwoo were sad about the decision.

"Seungwoo-hyung it would be fun, won't you really come?"

Before Seungwoo could repeat their decision Youn interrupted them with a proposition that Seungwoo can go without him. "But, Youn-ah." Seungwoo looked surprised. Seungyoun urged him to go. He repeated it more than once, that it was evident that Seungwoo needed a break and that it was okay to go with the kids.

Before the conversation could turn other directions Yohan's "Ok, see you after school hyung" could be heard. Seungwoo looked at Seungyoun who just nodded in agreement.

____

Yohan and Junho were impatiently waiting for everyone to come. Hangyul was expected to come late, there was never a situation he would manage to come on time. Junho even suggested to tell him a different time of the rendezvous so he could come on time. They were now waiting for Mingyu and Jungmo, the freshmen they befriended not so long ago, and of course for Byungchan who couldn't miss this opportunity to act like an excited puppy in an amusement park. But who was Yohan waiting for the most was the tall good looking senior in beige coat and white turtleneck who was now walking towards their direction.

"Hyung, I am happy you came." greeted Yohan the senior. After only a few minutes of waiting the rest of the squad arrived. The short introduction between Seungwoo and Yohan's friends begun. And finally the last person, Hangyul honored them with his presence although 30 minutes late. It was time to finally enter the park. The kids run in excitedly. Seungwoo was walking behind slowly with a parent-like smile.

The first stop was a shop with headbands. There were so many to choose from and Byungchan suggested that everyone got one, since it was an inevitable must when visiting a theme park. Everyone started trying different headbands on.

"Do I look cute in this one?" asked Byungchan Seungwoo about his giraffe horns. Seungwoo nodded but he himself didn't try any. Mingyu and Jungmo were trying various animal-styled ones while Yohan picked a red devil horns for himself. He saw Junho trying the angel one so he approached him and suggested a big ribbon instead. Junho was quite pleased at how that one looked on him so he completely forgot how Yohan stole his first pick.

"Seungwoo-hyung come here." called Yohan for the older one and when he entered his radius Yohan put the stolen headband on Seungwoo's head "Now we are matching hyung."

Seungwoo being a shy person didn't feel that comfortable in a headband but when everyone approved of his look he couldn't back off. "It suits you well hyung." After various remarks towards his visage, Seungwoo's cheeks flushed red. The kids will be my death, he thought.

They tried various attractions like a Viking ship and Bumper cars but then Yohan expressed his wish to ride Evolution. Other kids didn't want to ride the super scary swinging and rotating attraction and suggested a Merry-Go-Round instead. Seeing Yohan's excitement Seungwoo suggested he will accompany Yohan on the Evolution although he was extremely scared of heights.

With that the squad splitted up into three groups Jungmo and Mingyu went to take cute pictures at Merry-Go-Round and Junho, Hangyul and Byungchan went to find some snacks which left Yohan and Seungwoo to go alone for the scariest ride in the whole park.

When buckling up the protective seat belts Seungwoo's hands were shaking. As much as he tried to hide it in front of Yohan who was looking forward to the ride, Yohan noticed.

"Hyung, are you going to be alright? Are you riding this just because of me?"

"No, I like this ride."

"You look pale though."

"No, I just have a pale skin."

"I won't worry about you then." Was the last Seungwoo heard before panic engulfed him.

The ride started and everyone was screaming except for Seungwoo who tried his hardest to stay composed with his eyes shut and fingers clutching the safety harness.

After the ride, Seungwoo felt a bit nauseous but Yohan didn't comment on it. He told Seungwoo to wait for him at the tables and that he would bring some snack. Yohan was back within a few seconds carrying two churros and one cup of soda with two straws. (_A/N__: You probably guessing where this is going_)

When Seungwoo tilted his head forward to have a sip Yohan did the same and their gazes met just when their faces were millimeters from each other, both of them having a mouth on their respective straw. Seungwoo's heart was beating fast from the proximity of their faces. After a while Seungwoo pulled back, put a hand in front of his face, avoided Yohan's eyes and coughed a little. Yohan noticed how his ears turned red and smiled a bit at that.

"Is your heart fluttering hyung?"

Yohan was brought back to Earth with Seungwoo's "I have a boyfriend Yohan-ah."

The awkward silence was interrupted by Yohan's cell phone. Apparently, they were late for the agreed meet-up with the others before the fireworks were to start. They failed to find the group and so the two of them watched the fireworks together. Seungwoo's eyes glued on the sky now painted with so many colors.

Yohan slowly grabbed Seungwoo's hand and put it in his own pocket. Seungwoo gave him a look but Yohan only smiled at him not letting his hand go.

"It doesn't matter that you have a boyfriend, hyung. It's cold."

This time Yohan didn't have to ask if Seungwoo's heart was fluttering, the sparkle in between could be felt by both of them.

____

When Seungwoo got back home later with an angel headband and a smiley face, Seungyoun gave him a cold stare. Seungwoo was confused and then he saw a bra discarded on the floor.

"You didn't do what I think you did, right?!" Seungwoo wanted to continue but the knock on the door stopped him.

"Stay here and don't say a word until I tell you," said Seungyoun and left to open the door. Behind it was a girl wrapped in the towel. Seungwoo wanted to cry, yell, do something but Seungyoun gave him the look. The girl entered the room and kissed Seungyoun. Seungwoo's nails dug into his skin from how strongly he pressed his hands into fists but he didn't avert the look. Seungyoun commented on how fine it was with the girl and that they should do it sometime again. While saying those words he was looking at Seungwoo, studying his reaction.

The girl put on her clothes and left. After the door closed Seungwoo started crying.

"Wh-why d-did you do th-that" hiccupped Seungwoo. "Aren't we happy?"

Seungyoun gave him an answer he wasn't ready for. "It's a payback." It was Seungyoun's way of telling Seungwoo that he didn't like him going out with Yohan and enjoying the time without his boyfriend.

When Youn finished sharing his reasoning he took a blanket from the bed and dropped it down.

"Oh, and you sleep on the floor."


	7. Skin as a Canvas. Hand as a Brush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys we are in the middle of the story!!!
> 
> Nothing much is actually happening in this chapter, but I didn't want to start with the negative things yet after that quite angst-free chapter we had last time. (Actually the thing with Sulli on Monday made my week so bad I was depressed and thought that writing something negative is not going to help.) I wasn't even sure if to post this. But I hope it won't bore you much. 
> 
> Any reaction is as always appreciated. 
> 
> Also if you want please tell me your asumptions about the ending because I am so curious as what are your guesses.

With the weather getting colder, the wind stronger and sun setting sooner people exchanged summer shorts and t-shirts for cozy sweaters and sometimes even coats when the temperature turned a bit lower. It was late autumn, rainy season, the trees were turning its leaves to shades of orange, red and brown. The mid of a semester was there so the freshmen were expected to have managed being accustomed to university life to some point by now. But the first quest was yet to approach the kids in the form of mid-terms. The mid-terms were only half as scary as the finals but they were not to be looked down on.

Seungyoun was sitting in a coffee shop with a mug of hot liquid inside and a fluffy steam escaping out - chocolate. He was working on his computer with occasional procrastination in the form of observing customers at the café. They were mostly students since the café was situated right next to the school campus. Thanks to its location the amount of people visiting was huge, huge as a HUGE and so the café was busy all the time.

He was only partially working on his assignment because his attention almost always slipped towards his cute boyfriend who has been working as a barista in there for almost two years now. Seungyoun liked to visit the coffee shop whenever Seungwoo was working his shifts, he visited so often that after only a few weeks all members of the personnel knew him by the name. Seungyoun wasn't just a regular, he connected to the employees through Seungwoo which made him almost a part of the crew although the only thing he ever did for the café was sweeping the floor that one day when Seungwoo wasn't feeling well but still had to work the closing shift. The manager of the café liked to give Seungwoo a lot of shifts because he was popular among girls and with his nice personality he couldn't say no to his boss.

Although every employee wore the same attire, any kind of top, but it had to be black or white and of course neat-looking, and black pants, skirt, eventually dress were possible. Any kind of clothes would fit Seungwoo with his model-like physique but he looked just ethereal in his white silk button-up tucked in well-fitting high-waisted dress pants topped with leather underground creepers and a silver earring hanging down reaching the half of his neck. His bangs were styled to cover his eyes a bit to imply a more romantic and mysterious look. And the spark in Seugwoo's eyes outshined the glow of a metallic nametag pinned to his shirt.

Seungyoun observed Seungwoo's slender fingers delicately grabbing the utensils. The older was 100% focused on brewing the coffee for his current customer, he was relaxed and calm despite the amount of work he had since the line at the shop was never put to an end.

For Seungwoo the atmosphere of the coffee shop was always somewhat relaxing. He liked people and being surrounded by them but at the same time he didn't need to give his best to stay in contact and give his everything to those social interactions, that's why he liked his work so much.

Seungwoo was extremely popular, there was even his fan club, if you can call them that, who visited the café all the time. "Oppa, you are so handsome today" was heard in the shop. Luckily those girls kept their distance and were just taking pictures of the handsome barista as always, but there were other people, girls and boys too, who would just directly come to him and flirt with him in front of the eyes of his boyfriend. Pathetic according to Seungyoun but Seungwoo acknowledged their courage.

Only after two hours had Seungwoo time to leave the counter to walk around the shop and refill the customer's cups with plain black coffee. When he walked past Seungyoun, Youn grabbed him lightly and pulled him down to sit on his lap. They looked at each other with loving expression. Seungyoun put his hands around Woo's waist and whispered something in his ear. Seungwoo blushed a little and turned his head to peck Seungyoun on the lips. All this was captured on the camera by Seungwoo's worshippers who, throughout the time, learned that Ryeonseung, that's how they called the couple, were a thing.

Seungwoo had to excuse himself to go back to work and Youn just continued staring at his computer waiting for Seungwoo's shift to end. Occasionally he chuckled at some students who were obsessing over Woo, but was mostly focused on his assignment.

They left the café at around 4 pm and went towards the school campus to attend their respective classes. On the way, they were holding hands and talked about anything and everything. To anybody's eyes, they looked so in love. Seungyoun went for his Theory of Physiotherapy class and Seungwoo went to the school gym.

____

After a decent amount of exercise, he went to take a shower and change. In the dressing room he met Yohan. They only exchanged hi and focused on their own tasks. Yohan was partially glancing at Seungwoo, not that he was a creep but Seungwoo looked too good to not to be stared at. What Yohan noticed apart from Seungwoo's defined back muscles and dimples on his lower back, he also saw some black marks on the senior's shoulder blade and ribs.

"What happened to you hyung?" Seungwoo was surprised by the sudden question. He looked at his own marks and frowned. He told Yohan, that he had fallen down from the stairs and he hurried out from the room to not be asked anything more.

Later that evening Yohan joined his roommate, Hangyul, Jinhyuk and Wooseok in the dormitory kitchen to make dinner together. They were discussing the classes. Junho and Wooseok were deeply engaged in the conversation about what kind of paper is the best to use for oil paintings and where to get the cheapest art supplies. Jinhyuk, on the other hand, was doing his best to not burn their ramyeon.

Yohan was cutting vegetables for them to have some side dishes apart from kimchi when two girls, assumedly older than Yohan, walked in to wash their dishes. The dorms were designed as rooms without water lead, so anyone who wanted water had to go to the shared area. The girls were openly discussing some senior and they were talking too loudly that it was hard to not listen to their conversation. The more they talked the more obvious it was that they were discussing Seungwoo.

"Seungwoo-oppa is so nice to everybody."

"I am so glad he changed departments."

They continued making comments about their "oppa" not minding that Jinhyuk and Wooseok were in the room, luckily the boys weren't listening. The girls didn't make a good impression on Yohan by talking about someone behind their back, but it was human nature and he, for sure, did it too, so he had no say in how they should stop. The girls then chose a new topic to be Seungwoo's leg injury which was apparently a reason he had changed majors.

One of the girls suggested that it wasn't an accident and that she had heard that Seungyoun senior and Seungwoo had some kind of an argument which escalated in the accident.

"So it wasn't just an accident!"

"And…" before the girl could continue making some stupid remarks Wooseok snapped at them and not so politely told them that they shouldn't spread rumors and make assumptions. The girls apologized and runoff. But the content of their conversation stayed on Yohan's mind the whole evening.

The next morning Yohan visited the library where he saw Seungwoo sitting alone. His hyung looked much thinner than how he was back in September. He was still looking good and because he frequented the gym no one was probably noticing his body shrinking down. He also seemed more tired, the dark circles under his eyes were prominent and he was bundled in clothes, no he was drowning in clothes and looking cold.

Yohan wanted to sit on that empty seat opposite to Seungwoo and talk to him but before he could do so, someone managed to take the spot sooner – Seungyoun. Yohan was disappointed about that for some unexplainable reason. Maybe he questioned how could Seungyoun not notice his boyfriend looking different?

____

Seungwoo was stressed even more than how he had been the last few weeks when he had had his appointments with doctor Lee. Today he wasn't feeling confident about how well he can conceal the truth. He worried that this time he would have to come clean about certain things. In their past appointments, Dongwook asked him about various unimportant things but today he was just looking at Seungwoo as if there was something difficult to bring on. Even psychologists were people.

Seungwoo wasn't wearing a turtleneck like the appointments before and so the handprint and bruises on his neck were exposed to everybody's eyes. Lee Dongwook looked a bit shocked but wasn't commenting on it yet, at least not directly.

"Is there anything you would like to share with me today? Perhaps about Seungyoun?"

When hearing the question Seungwoo subconsciously reached for his neck. He put his hand on it and lowered his head. He wasn't able to hide the marks from his psychologist, obviously. What should he say now, if he lies, Dongwook will surely pick up on it, but he still decided to go with the scenario he had imagined beforehand.

"I don't recall anything important about him."

This time Dongwook tried to push him to answer. "What about your bruises? You also got skinnier in a span of few weeks." The tone Dongwook used was calming, definitely not judgemental. "Seungwoo…" he started again "I am not here to judge you or tell you whether this is right or wrong." The wording Dongwook chose was implying he already knew what had been going on. "I am here to listen."

And so Seungwoo spoke.

"Sometimes… Youn is… He is a bit different." Seungwoo looked up to try and read in Lee Dongwook's eyes but it was impossible. "It's not his fault." "These…" Seungwoo pointed at the marks on his neck "…are not bad, I am fine with them."

"Do they make you happy?"

"I don't know. They bring some kind of relief, at least they don't make me worse."

Seungwoo didn't know whether his explanation made sense or if Dongwook must have seen him as a complete idiot.

"How does your boyfriend view them, does he like them?"

"Sometimes," peeped Seungwoo.

"Why are you hiding them."

This question was and at the same time was not weird. Seungwoo knew what Dongwook meant by asking this but eventually, he couldn't understand why he was asking something that had such a clear answer. He opened his mouth right away to state the obvious but he closed it again. Maybe the answer wasn't as obvious as he had thought.

After thinking about it for a second he said "Because people don't understand. These marks aren't as bad as other things, as what is happening to Youn. People, when they see them, they only think about the bad things. These make Youn better so I am wearing them on my body. I am not resenting Youn and I agree with what he is doing because it makes him feel better."

"Is Seungyoun seeing a doctor? Or rather, would you like him to see a doctor?"

"We established something that was working up till now. I don't know why it collapsed but it will eventually settle back again."

Dongwook wrote something on his journal but didn't look up from it, he was probably reading his notes. And Seungwoo just wanted to stop him, to stop him from analyzing their relationship based on his scales and ideals.

"I just want to show him how much I love him, I want everyone to understand those marks, but I am scared too. The society is what is scary not Seungyoun."

And their appointment ended.

____

The next day Seungwoo decided to do something crazy, to make a difference. When roaming through his closet he chose low V-neck kind off see-through shirt with long sleeves which he rolled up to make them 3/4 sleeves. The shirt showed his neck, lower arms, and his skinny physique. Through the fabric, anyone could also make out the other marks on his body.

When he walked in the hallway everyone was looking at him, making their own assumptions and forwarding gossips of him getting beaten up. Apart from Wooseok and Jinhyuk, no one could predict the real reason for his marks being Seungyoun. Only those two knew what has been happening.

Junho and Yohan had no classes together so when Yohan saw the younger running towards him he guessed something big must have happened. When Junho brought the news about Seungwoo-hyung both, he and Hangyul who stood next to him, froze.

Yohan realized what he was overseeing the whole damn time. Thinking about it now, everything made sense. Seungyoun's cold stares towards Yohan, the shouting during their football match and how he was unaffected or unaware of the Seungwoo's change in physique. It wasn't that he hadn't noticed, he just knew before everybody else did.

Yohan got up from the chair abruptly. Junho and Hangul gave him confused looks. He stormed out of the classroom and run to where he thought Seungwoo was. He found the lecture room and went in not minding that the room was filled with seniors not even from his department. He ignored the fact that he just created another impulse for people creating gossips and making theories behind Seungwoo's bruises.

He grabbed Seungwoo's hand and got him out of the room. They walked, more like Yohan was walking, making big steps and Seungwoo was half-running behind him being the one who was being dragged around. They finally stopped. They were now in the corridor where no one could disturb them. Before Seungwoo could calm his breathing Yohan confronted him about the marks.

Seungwoo could pick up that Yohan was angry even before he started spitting fire.

"What the hell hyung! He is doing this to you, right?!" It wasn't a question. "We have to go to the police, you have to do something about this." Yohan shook Seungwoo's shoulders. "Why are you so quiet, you have to get out from him hyung." Yohan was confused by his hyung's nonexistent reaction.

"Yohan-ah, it's fine."

"No, it's not fine hyung!"

Seungwoo shook Yohan's hand off and stared at him coldly, almost as if he was disappointed in him.

"Not all couples like each other. But we… we do." And he went back to his class leaving Yohan alone gaping at his distancing figure.


	8. Breaking The Angel's Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating last week i wrote a oneshot but i was unable to write new chapter at the samee time. 
> 
> Also i finally feel like it is okay to bring the bad part of the story so get ready because this will probably be the last "calm before the storm" chapter. Please enjoy.

_ Flashback_

Seungwoo's first encounter with Seungyoun wasn't as he had expected it to be. His roommate was quite intimidating and seemed to be a person Seungwoo wouldn't normally interact with. The "See you later, cutie." lingered in his head. He had the idea that it would be hard to share space with Seungyoun.

The first few days Seungwoo managed to avoid his roommate. At school it wasn't completely possible, they were the same major and had to share the same classes, but luckily for Seungwoo they never got to interact. Seungwoo spent most of his free time at the university library or at work.

Finally, on Sunday his shift at the café got canceled and he woke up to Seungyoun standing next to his bed observing him. He got shocked, untangled himself from the duvet, and hurriedly moved his body to the furthest end of the bed to not be so close to the guy who still felt like a stranger to him.

The loudest of laughs filled the space. Seungyoun was holding his stomach and produced loud sounds, probably his way of laughing. The reason for his outburst was Seungwoo's exaggerated reaction. Seungwoo felt disoriented and together with bed hair and wrecked look Seungyoun found him cute.

"Hey, no need to be so tense. I won't bite." He paused, pretended to be thinking a bit and directed his look at still confused Seungwoo. "Today" he added to his previous statement and chuckled at how Seungwoo's face paled in horror. "Get ready, we have things to do." Said Seungyoun and gave Seungwoo some space to adapt to a start of a new day.

Seungwoo forced himself out of the bed, brushed his teeth and threw some clothes on. And then he waited for what was planned for him. He had a hard time approaching his roommate so he was thankful the latter just grabbed him by hand and went straight to the exit of the building. Maybe Seungwoo wronged him too soon. The guy was nice, chatty and smiley. He offered himself to show Seungwoo around the town and enriched him with jokes and stuff.

Seungyoun was a nice guy. They clicked immediately. Two hours in town and they acted like they were friends for years. They decided to crash at McDonald's for lunch. The difference between Seungyoun's $8 meal and Seungwoo's $2 burger surprised Seungyoun. Then Seungwoo shared with him how he left his hometown – Busan, with almost no money. It made sense now why Seungwoo fed himself with just a cup of ramyeon a day.

That day they also managed to introduce Seungwoo to Seungyoun's childhood friends and the Sunday ended with the boys chatting through the whole night about random stuff.

At some point, Seungwoo started developing feelings for Seungyoun. But Seungyoun wasn't helping him to suppress his emotions with how domestically he acted. He was touchy and developed a habit of waking Seungwoo up by jumping on him. Seungwoo was scared he would hurt their friendship and so he shared his worries with Wooseok first.

Wooseok was not someone who could help Seungwoo with his feelings since he and Jinhyuk were a special case and so Wooseok didn't know how other people worked their relationship out.

"We just grew accustomed to what we had since early childhood."

"And called it dating" completed Seungwoo Wooseok's sentence.

"Precisely."

The boys didn't know that Seungyoun was standing behind the door attempting to look for Jinhyuk to get the same advice Seungwoo was asking for of Wooseok. And so he unintentionally heard their conversation.

The next day Seungyoun went to the café where Seungwoo was working at. He had a plan in mind, actually it wasn't his plan. Jinhyuk came up with a way to propose to Seungwoo and if it failed he could just shrug it off and call it a joke. That's what Jinhyuk came up with as the best option.

He approached the counter where Seungwoo greeted him with a smile. Instead of ordering he looked at Seungwoo and asked: "Would you date me?" He said it out so loudly that half of the customers at the café turned their heads their direction. It was dead silent. No one dared to even breathe. Youn was waiting for some kind of reaction but 30 seconds passed like that. Seungwoo's mind was blank, he had waited for this moment so long. But was it really the right thing to do? What if, what if…

His thoughts were interrupted by an old lady who approached the two. "Young man, what are you doing?" Seungyoun turned around, his face red. Seungwoo woke up from his trance and faced the lady as well. They expected to be shouted at for being gay or disturbing her afternoon and Seungwoo started speculating whether he will lose his job or he gets a pass with just a warning.

She shook her head in disapproval. "I am sick of people not being honest with their feelings just because they are scared." She patted Youn on the butt "Don't just stand here, go and kiss him. He looks at you as if he has been waiting for that."

Seungyoun smiled at her and mouthed a "thank you" before turning back to Seungwoo. The younger pressed his arms on the counter and stretched his body over to press his lips on Seungwoo's. The kiss was short but it still managed to convey how much Youn wanted to do this. When he backed off he cupped Seungwoo's face in his hands "get it together sleepyhead" and chuckled. Seungwoo's ears went pink but he realized he hadn't reacted yet and so he gave Seungyoun a shy peck.

People at the coffee shop clapped, some girls made an awwwws. And the two boys felt extremely embarrassed. Seungwoo's coworker only added, "Finally, you two were practically eye-fucking each other for the past weeks."

____

A few months in their relationship Jinhyuk noticed that Seungyoun's episodes had almost disappeared since he started dating Seungwoo. He was baffled at what love can do, and of course, he was happy for the two, especially for Youn. But one time when they went to the night club and Seungyoun saw some random dude hitting on his boyfriend he snapped. At first, he was just angry at the guy, he started making a scene but when Seungwoo tried to take him out, to get fresh air, Seungyoun surprised everyone by hitting Seungwoo. Not the guy at wrong, Seungwoo!

Wooseok was the one to react first and offered to take Seungyoun back to the dorm with the excuse that he is too drunk. Jinhyuk felt like it was the time to tell Seungwoo some important details and since the boy was not that shaken by Seungyoun's action Jinhyuk evaluated it as the best opportunity.

Seungwoo and Jinhyuk sat on the stairs of their dormitory building. The taller looked up at the sky feeling pressured and not knowing how to start.

"Seungyoun has BPD."

"BPD?"

"Borderline Personality Disorder."

They stayed quiet.

"I am not telling you that you should leave him or anything, I just think you should re-evaluate what you can sacrifice for the relationship. Because if you are not serious with this, it would be the best that you leave now."

At that time Seungwoo had no idea what BPD exactly was, it was not every day you met someone with a mental disorder. He and Jinhyuk stayed up the whole night. Seungwoo was throwing questions at him and Jinhyuk was busy answering as precisely as he could.

"He will get physical, out of nowhere. He may hurt you or himself without a reason. And he may forget what he had done. But he doesn't mean it. It's just how the disorder is."

"You will get to understand it more when you experience the symptoms directly and Wooseok and I will always be here to help if you decide to stay and even if you don't."

Seungwoo had a lot to think of. He noticed that with time Seungyoun got a bit insecure in their relationship. Seungyoun was scared that Seungwoo will leave him which made his mental state worsen. The more he loved Seungwoo the more he was unable to control himself.

Before Seungwoo made a decision where to go next with their relationship he got to experience different situations leading to understanding what being with Youn would be like. He still loved him. Loved him too much. Seungwoo decided to stay, to help their relationship work as peacefully as it could even if it meant he would be the one receiving Seungyoun's aggression.

And so Seungwoo had changed. He made his life constructed around his boyfriend only. And then things spiraled into Seungyoun finding a comfortable position in their relationship as the one in charge and their relationship got set on a "safe" point until a certain freshman could broke the dynamics.

_ End of flashback_

Seungwoo realized it wasn't the best idea to walk around with his injuries displayed and before his first lesson could finish he was wearing his white turtleneck again, hiding his body determined to never show it again.

Seungyoun heard the fuss about Seungwoo getting beaten up. Even if Seungwoo wasn't in their department anymore, people knew him and so the rumors spread there as well. As his boyfriend, Seungyoun got worried. He picked Seungwoo in the classroom after the older's lesson ended, intending to have a serious conversation. They climbed the stairs to the building's rooftop to get a desired privacy.

The walls at Seungwoo's department were hollow. Seungwoo was leading the way by an unused staircase in the northern part of the building. Seungyoun watched Seungwoo's back. He wondered how much had people seen of Seungwoo's body, now hiding under the thick layer of woolen fabric. Only a tiny purplish mark was peeking out on Seungwoo's neck. Seungyoun realized how thin Seungwoo looked. How could he have not noticed sooner that his boyfriend lost weight!

Seungwoo was feeling Seungyoun's eyes on him. He gulped from nervousness. They reached the rooftop. The first thing Seungyoun did when they stood on the top of the building having bright blue sky up their heads was to hug Seungwoo. He hugged him so tight the latter couldn't breathe.

They cried in the embrace neither of them wanting to tear away.

Seungwoo peeped out that he was sorry for worrying him. He just wanted to show confidence and make people accept him with the marks or without them.

"It was stupid." Said Seungyoun calmly and continued with the same voice tone "I got worried someone actually beat you up." and assured Seungwoo that he loved him no matter what.

When they walked back through the hallway holding hands and being all lovey-dovey Seungyoun could feel that Seungwoo was somehow happy. Seungyoun was still worried about him, and about the marks. Was Seungwoo really self-harming, were those an accident, was someone beating him even though he had denied it? But a flash of smile on his boyfriend's face made him drop the topic for some other time.

Before going back to the dorm they decided to make a detour to the grocery store to pick up some fruit and snacks. Seungwoo was happy how the day turned out apart from having an argument with Yohan, and half of the department was spreading rumors about him, he still got to hold Youn's hand in his own and that was all that mattered.

For some reason, Seungyoun, out of nowhere, retracted his hand. He switched. The look in his eyes told Seungwoo all he needed to know. But the change was unexpected since there wasn't anything that could possibly trigger him.

"Why did you reveal those marks to everyone? Sure, they are beautiful but now people think you are getting hurt."

Seungwoo wanted to react but before he could, everything went black. The last thing Seungwoo had seen before the darkness engulfed him was Youn's face when he got pushed down the stairs.

____

Seungwoo woke up at the hospital with Byungchan by his side. His body ached and his head was spinning when he tried to sit up. Byungchan's nagging, that he shouldn't move yet, didn't help as well. The first Seungwoo asked was "Where is Youn?"

The boy was laying in the hospital bed not knowing his condition and experiencing excruciating pain around his temples but he still asked about Seungyoun first. His boyfriend entered the room a few minutes later together with a doctor.

The doctor introduced himself and proceeded to do a quick examination on Seungwoo. He checked his pupils by directing a flashlight towards his eyes individually, listened to his heart, asked if something hurt and finally informed him about the diagnosis. Apparently, Seungwoo suffered only minor injuries like scratches and a concussion meaning he could go home within a few hours.

"But," the doctor asked the boys to leave the room to give them some privacy "I need to talk to you about something." He found Seungwoo's marks suspicious and couldn't let him go home before affirming his hunch was wrong.

"Han Seungwoo-ssi" the doctor was, unlike before, very serious. "I am concerned that you are a victim of home violence."

Seungwoo's pupils went vide bud he hid his surprise immediately and shrugged it off. Because Seungwoo is an adult the doctor cannot force a police investigation. The doctor sighed. He pated Seungwoo on the leg and told him to contact him when he feels like telling the truth.

When the doctor left the room he met with Seungyoun right before the door. The boy gave him a sly grin which confirmed the doctor's concerns but he could do nothing with their case as long as the patient wouldn't talk.

Jinhyuk and Wooseok managed to enter the hospital in that exact moment. When Jinhyuk spotted Seungyoun he run towards him and grabbed him by the collar. He couldn't say anything, painfully aware of too many eyes focusing on them. But he still managed to say through gritted teeth: "This went overboard."

Seungwoo heard the commotion and forced his body to get up to stop his friends from doing something all of them would regret later on. With that and a disapproval look on the doctor's face, they left the hospital. They parted ways with Byungchan and crushed at Seungwoo and Seungyoun's room to talk.

Jinhyuk was occupying one of the chairs in the room, sitting with his legs spread, fingers intervened and his head facing down. He was much more calmer given he wasn't strangling Seungyoun anymore but he was still furious. They have experienced this once when Seungwoo's knee happened. It was actually the first time Jinhyuk had hit Seungyoun, he had slapped him hard the day Seungwoo had had his surgery. The very first slap had carried so many emotions but has been very useless, obviously. This time Jinhyuk wasn't going to be physical, the outburst at the hospital wasn't him thinking rationally. He had realized a long time ago that being mad at Seungyoun wouldn't get them anywhere since he was not aware of what he had been doing.

Seungwoo was sitting on the joined bed his back pressed against the hardboard his knees pressed to his chest making him look like an injured animal. Wooseok was leaning against the closet and Youn stood by the window facing outside. No one was keen to start speaking.

Seungyoun was the one who broke the silence. He exhaled. "Who is responsible for the marks on your body?" By now he was not believing Seungwoo could do that all by himself. But Seungyoun was scared to ask. Because everyone in the room didn't look like they wanted to give him any answer he continued. "Did I do it?"

"No."


	9. Concealing the Truth like Putting A Plaster on Wounded Heart. Pathetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be a bit confusing and I am sorry about that. Also there is a short attempt to write a sex scene but i am still too shy to write it as i would like to so please ignore the awkwardness.  
Hope you will like it ♥

The practice finally ended and the boys from the sports department were let to go for their next classes or home, completely drenched in sweat because of how intense their training was. The freshmen were particularly having a hard time adjusting to the tempo of the substitute coach - "The Devil", how many of the older friends called him. Their usual coach was to be absent for about a month and the idea of every football practice being this hellish made their heads spin.

The older students were familiar with this teacher but that didn't mean they weren't tired at all. Exactly the opposite, they were the core of the team, the ones who play a starting position in matches and so the coach had been giving them no slack. Seungyoun as a captain had been on the pitch almost non-stop. Everyone had looked forward to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Kookheon, Baekjin, Yuri, and Seungyoun were leaving when Yohan shouted "wait" at them and run to their side quickly. He was panting, the amount of exercise for the day was too much even for him. He breathed heavily a few times and looked up.

"Seungyoun-hyung, would you mind sparing me a minute?"

"Sure, what do you need Yohan-ah?"

"I meant in private though."

Baekjin approached Yohan and threw his arm around the freshman's shoulders. "Yohan-ah, if you wanted to confess your love you could have done it here." And he laughed.

Yuri was quite confused, he hadn't had the pleasure to talk to Yohan that much, because the tall Russian-Korean had an individual study plan to be able to work out his model career. To him, Yohan was just a freshman acting boldly by approaching a senior and asking him for a private conversation when it was obvious the latter had no idea what Yohan wanted to discuss.

Seungyoun bid the rest of the boys goodbye with a big smile. Baekjin provoked him one last time with threats that he would tell Seungwoo how his boyfriend found someone younger and probably added some more stupid remarks which were luckily indecipherable as the distance between the group and Seungyoun prolonged.

When he turned back to Yohan, his expression was stone-cold. He seemed almost as if a different person, thought Yohan. They moved to the more private place in the campus to be able to talk comfortably, if it could be called "comfortable" in any way.

By now, Yohan had figured out what was going on. He was beating himself for not noticing sooner, that Seungwoo and Seungyoun as much as lovely they looked together, they had some internal problems and Yohan was fed up just watching.

"About Sengwoo-hyung…" he paused not sure how to continue to not come as offensive "I have noticed his… Ehm, you know. The marks he has all over his body". And he continued about how Seungyoun had reacted whenever Yohan had wanted to talk to Seungwoo-hyung.

Seungyoun knew where Yohan was going with his words, accusations, but he waited for the younger to say what he had to. Honestly, he was only partially listening.

"… and so I think you should reflect on yourself." was the phrase Youn caught after ignoring the younger's monologue due to the lack of interest. Yohan finished off with "You are trapping him selfishly." using more confident voice tone this time.

"Yohan-ah," started Seungyoun with a mocking tone "You should look at yourself first. Don't you think pinning on somebody else's boyfriend is wrong?"

Yohan was bewildered, sure he was being whipped for Seungwoo the whole time since he met him, but it was not what the issue was right now. Also, he respected that his hyung had a boyfriend. "It's not about me now, we can dissolve that later."

"Can we?" interrupted him Seungyoun.

"It's about Seungwoo-hyung now. Can't you see it?!" Yohan's patience was slowly being tested. All this was not about how he found the senior cute and damn perfect, but about how Seungwoo was being destroyed slowly by his current relationship with Seungyoun. At least that was what Yohan derived from observing the couple.

"You are too much, Yohan-ah." Seungyoun was trying his hardest to not just punch Yohan in the face.

"I care about him, as a friend," argued Yohan. He also expressed disapproval and disgust about the domestic violence Seungwoo was a victim of. "If hyung hadn't stopped me I would have called police by now."

Seungyoun was baffled. "You went to Woo with this?" and he started laughing maniacally. "Oh my god, my eyes are tearing, this is so funny."

Yohan left him to finish his theatrical outburst. Not in the mood now to try to speak with the senior nicely. Seungyoun calmed down and continued. "Are you crazy? That must have hurt your friendship with him. I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped you completely."

"Excuse me?" Yohan knew Seungyoun was right for once. Seungwoo was angry at him for bringing the matter up. But he couldn't quite grasp for what reason was he acting like that.

"You don't know him that well yet. He is fine with this, h–."

"How could he be fine with this?!" interrupted him Yohan.

"He likes it."

What came next was the scariest thing Yohan had ever been told in his life.

"When I bite him and the teeth marks appear on his porcelain skin he yelps but he won't complain. Quite the opposite – he gets needy. He wants it. I beat him to the point when his body is all shades of purple. I scratch his back and legs while he moans the most beautiful music to my ears. It turns him on when I choke him and then I fuck him raw. He screams in pleasure."

Seungyoun saw Yohan's face painted with disgust, he enjoyed the feeling that he had won and to finalize his speech he added. "You may not believe it, but that is your Seungwoo-hyung. I am sorry to let you down but I am his everything." he chuckled, "As much as he is mine."

Yohan's brain had a dysfunction. He was mortified. The imaginations of what Seungyoun had done to Seungwoo lingered on his mind vividly. He gulped. It was sick, totally sick, Seungyoun was crazy.

Yohan acted on impulse. His blood was boiling from piled up anger. He grabbed the older by the collar of his t-shirt so strongly that his knuckles went white. And through gritted teeth, he wanted to make a statement.

Before Yohan could do so, he noticed Junho piercing him with a suspicious or rather questioning look. Yohan forgot how he was supposed to meet Junho right after the practice and together join their group of friends at the nearby pub. They made this arrangement of going once a few weeks somewhere and just talk and relax.

"Ehm ehm" cleared Seungyoun his throat.

Yohan looked at his face and after not doing anything Seungyoun signaled him to look down to where he was still clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. Yohan released the t-shirt from his grip and with the we-will-solve-this-later expression he grabbed his backpack and followed Junho out of the campus.

____

"Hey, Seungwoo! Could you go carry the boxes? Noona is here." asked his co-worker Seungsik. The only other part-timer there that day was Yiren, sweet tiny girl who didn't talk much. She was in her own world, always reading some stories. When the boys had asked her about it, she had said she had been reading "smut ff" but the boys had been clueless about what that was supposed to mean and they never asked again. Today Yiren was instructed to just wash the dishes in the back room since there were not many customers to serve.

Seungsik was responsible for serving at the tables and refilling the cups with coffee while Seungwoo was getting bored being behind the counter. It was 7 pm already.

"Sure. Can you watch the counter for me?" Obviously, Sik wouldn't have asked Yiren to carry the heavy stuff so even though Seungwoo wasn't feeling well enough to carry a ton of heavy supplies he didn't complain.

He went to the back door where the car was already parked. In front of the car, in the cold, stood Naeun-noona who was the shop's supplier. He greeted her, signed the paper about receiving the items and ushered her to wait inside in the warm.

He carried the boxes the quickest he could but it was harder than the previous times. His shoulders were sore and the whole task tired him down a lot more than he thought it would. It was expected that his physical condition would worsen when he had lost weight especially muscles. He had been worrying about life, school, work, and Youn. It stressed him to the point when he barely had an appetite.

After finishing he returned from the back and was again to step behind the counter. He hadn't noticed Seungsik and they collided. Unfortunately, Seungsik had been holding a kettle full of coffee which ended splashed all over Seungwoo's white button-up.

Seungsik quickly called Yiren to replace them at the front and took Seungwoo to the back to check if the warm liquid had done any damage.

"Here, change into this." forced Seungsik a spare white shirt on him. Seungwoo started unbuttoning his shirt forgetting what a painting was underneath. And of course, it did not go unnoticed by his coworker.

"Seungwoo what the heck!" gasped Seungsik. Seungwoo's body was showered with nasty-looking marks.

"It's nothing."

"The bruises look pretty bad are you sure?"

Yiren heard Seungsik's loud voice and she peeked from behind the door to see what was going on. She observed Seungwoo who was standing there confused and Seungsik who was freaking out.

"Your boyfriend must be into some pretty kinky stuff," she remarked. Her face got red and she giggled almost like a villain. With a quiet "I ship this" she disappeared again.

Seungsik asked in disbelief "are you really into that? And Youn?" Every employee knew Seungyoun at least by sight since he frequented the café a lot, most of the times when Seungwoo was working, but they didn't know him personally. They could only assume how their relationship was and Seungsik definitely wouldn't have guessed the couple being interested in some rough stuff.

Speaking of the devil, Seungwoo's shift was nearing its end at 8 pm leaving Seungsik and Yiren to close up an hour later and of course, Seungyoun came to fetch Seungwoo. Until today Seungsik had an idea about Seungyoun being sweet guy picking his boyfriend up all the time but now he somehow couldn't bring himself to smile when the bell at the entrance door rung and a familiar face showed up greeting the employees with an innocent smile.

____

Junho was piercing Yohan with his eyes expecting some kind of explanation. But the athlete stayed silent the whole time they walked to the Nostalgic Night Pub _(A/N: stream VICTON's new MV)_. Junho wanted to ask so badly but when they neared the entrance of the pub he had to drop the idea of interrogating Yohan. When they went inside the atmosphere of the place was a bit too loud like as if everyone already had a minimal share of drink needed to get one into a mood.

Most of the participants were already there. It was the group consisting of Byungchan, Mingyu, Jungmo and Byungchan's friend Yuvin, whom Yohan knew from Kookheon's never-ending monologues about this guy. Kookheon was secretly pinning on him. It was interesting how the said junior had always been full of jokes during their practice breaks but when the topic about certain social studies student Song Yuvin rolled around he couldn't produced a note. And of course, Hangyul was yet to come, as always he was late.

When the boys approached the table the group was engaged in serious discussion about how to grade kids when becoming teachers. With Yohan and Junho's entrance Byungchan suggested to change the topic. He even took initiative and asked Yuvin about his love life, whether he was seeing someone or had someone in mind, because he heard that a certain someone was interested in him.

Ah, Byungchan. He definitely was the group's matchmaker. Yuvin got nervous when the attention directed to him, he wanted to present himself as composed but it was hard with the mention of Kookheon's name.

They started making fun of Yuvin and completely ignored Hangyul who was slowly approaching the table. No one noticed him except Junho who was facing the direction of the entrance door. They shared looks and Junho suggested by gesturing to Hangyul that he should "save" Yuvin from embarrassment. So after Hangyul listened to the conversation a bit, he entered the group's radius, sat abruptly on the empty chair and stated: "Yohan has a crush too."

____

It was a difficult day for both of them. Seungyoun was tired from his practice and the argument with Yohan had made his stress level increase too. Seungwoo on the same note, was stressed from the conversation with Seungsik. It was completely natural that when they entered their dorm room they immediately crushed their lips together and couldn't stop savoring the other male.

They didn't even take their shoes off but already showered each other with hungry kisses. Seungyoun directed their bodies towards the bed by pushing Seungwoo slowly. They were both preoccupied with exploring their mouths that Seungwoo's yelp and following fall to the bed took them by surprise.

Seungyoun pressed Seungwoo a kiss and started unbuttoning the older's cardigan. Seungyoun was hungry, hungry for the other's skin. After the cardigan, Seungsik's white t-shirt followed. Seungyoun looked at Seungwoo questioningly. He knew it was not the same shirt Seungwoo left on with in the morning. Seungwoo sensed Youn's discomfort.

"Accident at work, had to change." was all he managed to say already feeling the need to be touched.

Seungwoo helped Seungyoun take off his hoodie but he was immediately pressed back to the sheets, both now missing their tops. Seungyoun started kissing and biting his neck slowly, teasingly. He mapped his torso with butterfly kisses.

A moan escaped Seungwoo's lips when Seungyoun got to his underbelly. Seungyoun stopped and touched the older's skin with his fingers. He slowly brushed over every purple mark which he had created before, sometime pressing on it a bit to Seungwoo's discomfort. When his hand wandered to the neck area again Seungyoun pinned Seungwoo down by hovering over him.

Seungyoun added a second hand and Seungwoo immediately knew where this was going. He wasn't scared because despite their history he believed in Seungyoun. And with Seungwoo's nod, Seungyoun pressed his boyfriend's windpipe. Seungwoo's breathing ability was restricted partially at first but the longer Seungyoun pressed the more power he used.

Seungwoo's view blurred. He wanted to increase the oxygen again but his strength was leaving him and he couldn't move his arm to pat Seungyoun to signalize he was struggling. When his eyes started closing up Seungyoun luckily took the cue and stopped. Seeing his boyfriend weak made him extremely turned on but it wasn't perfect yet. Seungyoun loved colors. There was never enough colors. The canvas displayed underneath him had so much free space still.

Seungyoun gently caressed Seungwoo's chest tattoo stating "Don't lock me up". How ironic. And he scratched the skin with his nails. Seungwoo tsk-ed as a reaction to the stinginess. The injury run deep and small red spots appeared right away. And Seungyoun continued he scratched his whole torso then arms until he ran off the free space but that did not stop him. He made Seungwoo to sit up, hugged him and continued coloring his back. Seungwoo tried to stay quiet but he couldn't suppress his reaction.

"Seungyoun-ah."

By then they were both hard. The follow-up action was to be expected. Seungyoun grabbed Seungwoo's erection and started stroking him. Seungwoo's moans got louder. As much as Seungyoun was enjoying this, it wasn't only about pleasing his boyfriend. He wanted to make Seungwoo to be over-stimulated.

"I am near." followed soon after.

Seungyoun didn't want Seungwoo to cum just from touching so he stopped and ordered Seungwoo to hold it until he gets the permission to do otherwise. Seungyoun got rid of their pants and without any prep, he thrust in. Seungwoo's scream must have been heard through the thin walls of the dormitory, at least three other rooms must have heard them as well as everyone who passed through the hallway. But they were unbothered.

Seungwoo was at his limit. Not only with every thrust Seungwoo's back marks hurt from rubbing on the sheets. He unconditionally needed the release but Youn was strict with him. He was not allowed mistakes.

Seungyoun could sense Woo's discomfort.

"Few seconds, can you make it a few more seconds?"

It wasn't a question. With few more thrusts, Seungyoun came inside Seungwoo. Seungwoo felt heat engulfing him, his mind was hazy and he definitely wasnt't able to think straight but he still did his best to please Seungyoun by obeying his orders. Seungyoun admired his boyfriend's look right now.

"You are beautiful like this." His palm rested on Seungwoo's face, his thumb slowly stroking the older's cheek. "Now you can." whispered Seungyoun to Seungwoo's ear.

And Seungwoo got his long-awaited release.

____

After the seventh psychologist session, Seungwoo stopped counting. What he hadn't stopped was observing the interior in Dongwook's consultation room. He was looking at the shelves with books and today a shelf with English literature of Renaissance caught his attention.

He saw the titles like Romeo and Juliet, The Tempest, Titus Andronicus and Hamlet. Dongwook probably liked Shakespeare. What he was surprised to see was Endymion by John Keats. This play was so different from the other ones in Dongwook's possession.

"Even if something beautiful fades away, we never stop loving it," said Seungwoo.

Dongwook approached Seungwoo with a hot lemonade for the boy and a coffee for himself in his hands.

"Do you like the story?" started Dongwook the conversation.

Both knew the session started minutes ago but the psychologist didn't want to disturb the moment and so they let the conversation flow naturally.

"I guess"

"You don't want to be here, do you?" confronted him Dongwook.

"I don't mind."

"So why are you here?"

Seungwoo honestly answered, "Jinhyuk said I should see you." Dongwook nodded in understanding. He was observing and trying to get to know Seungwoo for a few months now and he started to understand the boy a bit.

"What happened to your knee?" Dongwook already tried to bring this topic for weeks now but Seungwoo would always keep quiet. Dongwook was expecting the same reaction today as well.

"Are you asking because you want to confirm your hypothesis or because you want me to talk about it?"

Dongwook wasn't expecting that and so he decided to push his luck even more."Both."

Seungwoo subconsciously touched his right knee. He slowly started tapping his fingers on his thigh near the knee area in a slow unchanging rhythm. It wasn't a sign on nervousness as Dongwook noted. It was more like an irritation. Seungwoo was probably asked a lot about this since it was the reason he had to change his focus at university and he probably had to lie to everyone about it. The amount of prying ears was probably too much to handle without being annoyed.

"Seungyoun beat me up after we had an argument. It was actually our first big conflict. And so, he kicked the wrong spot and I became crippled. No big deal though."

"Hold on. You shouldn't be making it less serious than it is."

"I am sorry." Seungwoo sighed "I just see it differently now." Seungwoo loved with Seungyoun to the point that he was accepting his boyfriend's flaws. Dongwook understood that there were people who could sacrifice everything for love.

Seungwoo continued "And you know, there is something oddly comforting about receiving the…" Seungwoo didn't continue the sentence. "…you know…" Was it hard to think about the right word? Questioned Dongwook but he didn't say anything.

He decided to help by offering a word. "Beating?"

Seungwoo nodded but corrected him.

"We call it love."


	10. Realization Seeping Under One's Skin like Winter's Cold Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. As you know I lost my files and had to write this again. This chapter was difficult and i cant even tell if it is any good. That is how much i was hurt by loosing my work. But I am back! Thank you for waiting for me.  
And special thanks goes to X1Ryeonseungshippers who is always so nice, sweet and supportive. Thank you hun! 
> 
> Anyway, since the story is slowly nearing its end i would like to as who do you think Seungwoo ends up with...  
A) Seungyoun, B) Yohan. C) none ?

Seungyoun maybe didn't look or acted like he knew, but he had definitely noticed there was something strange going on. Seungwoo's "No." to the question if he had hurt him was hunting Seungyoun for weeks now. There were too many hints Seungyoun could have picked up like Yohan's overall strange behavior toward him or the amount of accidents Seungwoo had got into since the beginning of the semester.

Or that “evening situation” which happened after they got back from the hospital. Right here, in Seungwoo and Seungyoun's room, where the younger from the two was now spending his time analyzing everyone's strange behavior. Seungyoun recalled how the always composed Wooseok had given all three of them disapproving look. Or how Jinhyuk had been unusually quiet and had been hypnotizing his shoes not even once looking up. When Wooseok had angrily left the room Jinhyuk had only then showed some emotion which was worry, the situation continued by the tall guy storming out of the room to catch up to his boyfriend.

Before Seungyoun could have had tried to force a conversation Seungwoo had expressed his wish to just go sleep. They had never talked about it ever again.

Another concerning aspect was that at some point Seungyoun had started realizing his memories had been unclear sometimes. Seungyoun had kept it a secret. He had visited a clinic to get examined by a doctor but nothing was visibly wrong. The past months although, he had been doubting himself. Could he trust his memories at all? Seungyoun questioned himself whether he could have done things he hadn't known about and by that he meant anything he wouldn't have done being his normal self.

He was unsure if he could have hurt Seungwoo but the smile on his boyfriend's face had always reassured him that it wasn't the case, at least he had believed that. The other people were giving off the vibe that Seungyoun was the one being wrong but they had never told him anything. It was just disapproving look here, disapproving look there but no one fucking talked about what was their problem. So what were they expecting of him?

Seungyoun looked out of the window and watched tiny snowflakes slowly falling down the sky. It was that time of the year when everyone wore black long padded jackets to keep themselves warm. His attention shifted to the fish in the glass bowl, it was making its repetitive moves like always – forward and back, forward and back whenever it hit the glass wall. The goldfish reminded him of himself, being locked up in some kind of forced setting without being able to reach the truth. That's how he felt.

A very quiet almost hesitant knock on his door could be heard. When Seungyoun opened the door he wasn't expecting to see Jinhyuk there. The two of them were not on speaking terms. Without being invited his friend entered the room and sat on one of the two empty chairs in the room. Seungyoun closed the door behind him with an I-know-what-this-is-about grimace and walked back to his spot by the window.

Jinhyuk explored the room with his eyes. Nothing much had changed from the setting they made after Seungyoun and Seungwoo started dating, the beds tucked together, shared wardrobe, dishes. They only kept their school work separated. On the desk, they had a couple of photos of them together and a photo with the squad taken about a year ago. Jinhyuk was wondering when all of this took the wrong direction and resulted in the situation they were dealing with right now.

Seungyoun couldn't take the silence anymore. He faced Jinhyuk and asked "Did I really do all of it?" his voice tone was calm and composed successfully hiding the insecurity.

"We never spend much time in this room. The two of you always seemed different when being here. Hard to approach, like there was some secret we weren't supposed to see. That's why our hang out spot became my room. This room is special, I understand its secret now." Jinhyuk didn't answer Seungyoun's question just yet but Seungyoun let him speak. It was probably hard for both of them to acknowledge what had been happening the whole time. What both of them had overlooked.

"You did."

Seungyoun shifted back to look outside. The falling snow was calming. It was hard to just accept he did something horrible to his boyfriend when he was not aware of it.

"Every mark, Seungyoun." Jinhyuk had a hard time keeping his emotions under control. Seungyoun being unfazed by what he just told him angered Jinhyuk. He increased the volume when saying "For the fuck's sake Seungyoun! You were the one who made him change his major."

Seungyoun was confused. "Woo changed major because of his leg injury, no?"

Jinhyuk grabbed his head with his hands. This conversation was impossible, he had no right to be angry at Seungyoun, his friend had no idea of what he was doing but it was hard to not blame him.

"Seungyoun, do you remember how it happened? Seungwoo's injury."

His immediate "Yes." sounded like he was confident in the answer. "He."

"He…" For some reason, it was suddenly hard for Seungyoun to find the words. "It was…" Seungyoun couldn't remember. Realization hit Youn. There was no need to voice it out loud. Both of them knew what this meant. Jinhyuk was staring at Seungyoun with sadness in his eyes. And then Seungyoun started mumbling. His previous composure now gone.

"HowIsThisPossible. WhyWouldIDoThat." His thoughts were faster than his words. "WhyNobodyToldMeBefore. WhyDidn'tYOUTellMeBefore. HowIsThisPossible. HowCouldThisBe. ThisMakesNoSense. NoWayDidIDoThat. WhyWouldIDoThat. HowCouldThisBe. NobodyToldMe. IDidn't. HowCouldThisBe. Impossimble. AndHisInjuries. WhatIsThis. WhyWouldI. WhyWouldHe."

Jinhyuk let him calm down by himself. And Seungyoun did. He was coming back to his rational self. "Why was he just taking it from me?" said Seungyoun now with a much calmer tone. "The whole time I thought he had issues."

"I don't understand Seungwoo too."

Now Seungyoun was in disbelieve. "Why didn't you told me? Or done something?!" He didn't want to vent his anger on his friend but all this was hard to grasp at once without being emotional. "Nevermind, just tell me please, I am sick of being in the shade not knowing what I may do at any time."

"I can't tell you anything. I think you should talk to your mother first."

"My mother?"

"I promised her. And a promise is a promise. Call her." Jinhyuk got up from the chair ready to leave. Before he left Seungyoun to his own he put a business card on the desk. "Call my uncle, he will help you."

First thing Seungyoun did when the door closed behind Jinhyuk was to dial his mother.

"Ah son w-"

"What is my diagnosis?" he asked right away. She clearly hadn't been expecting this question as well as she didn't want to give him an answer. But upon hearing how he knew about the memory issues and his aggressive behavior she yielded. She told him how when he was younger the doctors diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder. But how his father had said it was impossible and they had decided to bring him up without mentioning the said disease.

They shouted at each other for almost an hour. He had been lied to for over ten years it was only natural to be mad. When the heated argument with his mother ended he was mentally destroyed. All he had on his mind now was Seungwoo. Seungyoun fixed his gaze at the aquarium, he grabbed the glass tank and out of anger he threw it on the floor.

____

When Seungyoun visited the clinic for the first time he didn't know what to expect. As much as he looked calm on the outside he was screaming horrendously inside. Seungyoun never met Jinhyuk's uncle but if the man was half as annoying as Jinhyuk things would probably work out well. Seungyoun preferred people who were engaging themselves in conversation and that was how he expected his first session to be - casual.

What Seungyoun didn't know was that Seungwoo was under Lee Dongwook's care too and therefore the doctor knew about him more than maybe he did. Seungyoun didn't have to wait long for the young-looking tall man with slightly longer black curly hair. First thing apart from the doctor's appearance he noticed Dongwook was not wearing the traditional doctor's white coat, but after thinking about it more, he realized he had no idea how a psychologist or psychiatrist was supposed to look like.

Seungyoun had his last chance to leave now, the second he crossed the threshold there would be no way back. He mustered up all his courage, clenched his palms into fists and entered the room. He was buffed by the amount of books on the shelves, Seungwoo would like it here, crossed his mind briefly.

Lee Dongwook offered him a chair but stayed standing himself. Seungyoun decided to do the same he rested his back on the wall hands in his pockets looking unbothered. Dongwook was reading the materials Seungyoun had brought with him. It was hospital entries, the actual diagnosis his mother had sent him and a personal survey he had to fill.

In this first session, they talked about crap, at least according to Seungyoun. It was obvious Dongwook was testing the waters, what he could ask and what was over the line. After they run out of the 60 minutes given, Seungyoun was familiar with the treatment and got Xanax prescribed together with twice a week cognitive-behavioral therapy sessions.

Seungyoun definitely had given the doctor a hard time with how uncooperative he had been, but everything needed time, he needed time to accept everything and to come to self-understanding. He hadn't told anyone that he had visited the clinic this was his problem, he wanted to face it alone.

He started taking the white hyperrectangle-shaped pills right that evening. One pill of 0.5 mg before going to sleep as the quack - Dongwook had said. The doctor had also mentioned that the pill's effect would be active for 26 hours but it could be less. So if he felt its effect was less than 16 hours they would later adjust the dosage.

____

It took only a few days for Seungyoun to realize that the medication was doing something, he hadn't been triggered by anything connected to Seungwoo or anything else in particular, quite the opposite he felt strangely relaxed.

Jinhyuk avoided him like a plague. The same did Wooseok but it might have been because everyone was busy with schoolwork as it was the end of the winter semester. What was great about the winter semester was the Christmas break before the finals. The time the break gave them for studying was much needed.

On the last day of the semester, the 20th of December the majority of students left the dormitory to spend the break with family. The freshmen were the first to leave feeling happy to finally get out, escape from the study hell. Wooseok and Jinhyuk had gone to visit the families together. Yohan was leaving in the morning on Saturday, the day after the majority had already left, even his friends would have been gone by that time, the reason for it was that he wanted to try and talk to Seungwoo once before leaving for break. They hadn't talked since the argument and he had been unable to face the older man.

He still felt worried and disapproved of what the school couple was doing behind the closed door. He couldn't really accept it but he had come to the realization that he should not voice his opinion out for the sake of maintaining the friendship with Seungwoo. The other idea he had was that maybe if he could be near Seungwoo he could possibly stop anything that might happen. He was determined to patch his relationship with the senior back.

The evening before his departure from the dormitory he went to visit the senior at 507/C03. Worrying Seungyoun might be there he was hesitating to knock. Before he could someone opened the door. Seungwoo almost crashed Yohan who was standing in front of him with a fist in the air suggesting he had wanted to knock.

"Seungyoun is not here if you are looking for him."

"I am not."

"My shift starts in fifteen."

"I can see you off." Yohan hesitated for a second whether his proposal was too bothersome. But Seungwoo nodded in agreement.

They were awkward. The whole walk to the café was uncomfortable. But Yohan had his goals set and he needed to work towards them. He looked at Seungwoo who was trying to look everywhere else than at him. Clearly, the pavement or rather the snow on the pavement had to be the most interesting thing around since he was hypnotizing it so intensely.

"I am sorry."

Only then Seungwoo looked Yohan to the face. "About?"

"I am sorry for making conclusions, for not listening to your side of the story and coming up with scenarios. I was just worried, it was stupid of me. Will you forgive me?" Yohan's heart was beating hard against his ribcage it felt like it would be able to drill a hole in it with how quick his heartbeat was. Seungwoo smiled at him and like a civilized adult accepted his apology with a hand outstretched for Yohan to grab and do a handshake. "Friends?"

"Yup, friends."

That word shot pain to Yohan's heart but at the same time, he was grateful for this enclosure. He could leave home without having a heavy heart.

____

There were very few people who hadn't gone home to celebrate Christmas. One of them was Seungwoo and Seungyoun. Seungyoun didn't have a good relationship with his parents especially with his strict homophobic father and Seungwoo decided to stay with Youn. In fact, the two of them had stayed together at the dormitory over Christmas every year. Seungwoo's family had been accustomed to that already.

Seungwoo was picking up small changes in his boyfriend's behavior. First, he hadn't been violent in the past two weeks, which was good. But he was also distant. Seungwoo thought it could be because the stress from finals was eating everyone, not even Seungyoun was immune to that. Since the fish incident Seungyoun seemed different. Careful?

Christmas Day rolled around, Seungwoo was revising the notes for Semantics when exactly at midnight, 12 am, 00:00, Seungyoun blew a party blower to his face. Seungyoun hugged the sitting man tightly and shouted "Happy birthday!"

Seungwoo was the happiest, he had forgotten it was his birthday probably from overworking his brain so much, all on his mind was semiotic triangle of signification, secondary iconicity, literal language theory and more terms he had to be able to define. Seungyoun then made him to get up from the chair and suggested they go sleep already to be fresh for what Seungyoun had prepared for the day. The literal sleep wouldn't be what Seungyoun had meant by going to bed, of course, they had to make love.

The morning continued in the same direction, Seungyoun woke up sooner to make a coffee. And then he woke up Seungwoo with butterfly kisses. Seungwoo immediately wanted to sit behind the desk and continue cramming but Seungyoun stopped him and threw a pair of black jeans at him. "We going out todaaay." sing-songed Seungyoun. He looked like an excited 10-year-old. Even when excited, Seungyoun appeared as a responsible person who knew they had to study so he took Seungwoo to the park behind the dormitory for a short walk.

Seungwoo had forgotten his gloves at home and his fingers were freezing. Luckily Seungyoun noticed, he stopped walking, caught Seungwoo's hands in his and tried to make him feel warmer by rubbing them gently but quickly. When he thought he warmed Seungwoo at least a bit he grabbed one hand and together with his he put it in his coat's pocket.

Whatever idea about Seungyoun's responsible nature Seungwoo had it was soon gone. The innocent walk turned into a snowball fight not long after. In 30 minutes they were both lying down in the snow, they were already drenched from the fight that it couldn't do more damage. They peacefully enjoyed each other's presence.

On their way back they made a detour around a market to get some snacks to eat when they get back to studying and a mini cake to work as a birthday and also Christmas cake. The rest of the day and the following days proceeded normally. The two of them were sitting behind the desk studying non-stop. Seungwoo had 10 exams that semester with the first one approaching in two days. Seungyoun had it slightly better with 7 exams. They were both exhausted, mentally and physically. It wasn't uncommon for them to make coffee at 3 am to force themselves not to fall asleep.

____

The break and the exam period had been full of hardships, mental breakdowns, sleepless nights but the couple had overcome it together. They had helped each other to focus, they had forced each other to go sleep when they had been behind the point of being aware of the world around them. And like that they had passed the exams.

When the exam period ended in February the group decided to meet up at Jinhyuk's. The kids hadn't seen each other since late December. Byungchan, the owners of the room – Jinhyuk and Wooseok, Baekjin, Hangyul, Junho and Yohan were pressed on two beds opposite to each other small table with snacks between them. The group was now waiting only for the inhabitants of the room 507 who were late for the successful end-of-exam-period party! The only person who probably wasn't the happiest to be there was Yohan who was worried when facing Seungyoun. But he was, of course, excited to see his other hyungs.

When someone knocked on the door, presumably Seungwoo and Seungyoun, Baekjin didn't forget to note: "Someone decided to please us with their presence." which was followed by laughter from everybody. Byungchan was sitting nearest the door so he got up to open it but when the two figures entered the room everyone's laughter quieted.

Yohan almost gasped at how Seungwoo looked. He was worryingly thin, more than he had ever been. His face was sullen, the sweater he was wearing hung on him, when he moved his collar bones and his wing bones were visible even through the thick sweater. He had lost at least 5 kilograms. He appeared to be weak and his skin was sheer than his typical white.

Everyone tried their best not to comment on it and greeted the two with smiles. Yohan and Seungyoun were shooting disgusted grimaces at each other and Jinhyuk was a bit cold towards Seungyoun, naturally, Jinhyuk was still mad at him, but other than that everyone was welcoming.

At some point, Wooseok excused himself and took Seungwoo with him to give him a talk. The younger had a history of struggling with putting on weight therefore he couldn't bear the look at his skinny friend. As far as Wooseok had known Seungwoo could have been in the same situation as him or it could be something else. In both cases, he felt like he needs to do something for Seungwoo. As much as Wooseok wanted to get anything from Seungwoo, reassuring him that he wouldn't tell anyone, it was impossible. The boy shrugged him off that it was just stress-related and Wooseok had no option than to accept it.

The conversation ended. Wooseok could only sigh.


	11. Seungyoun's Ideal Set of Three - Understanding, Acceptance and Han Seungwoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am so happy because of the news about X1. I can't wait to hear more good news. Despite the negative things the press revealed I hope only positives await. 
> 
> Also I know everyone has finals. Well, not everyone, for example I don't - yet... (my exam period starts on December 16) but it is so sad that there are almost no new stories under ryeonseung and many other pdx101 related tags. I wanna read. 
> 
> But for now, please enjoy ♥
> 
> PS: if anyone wonders what the heck is Seungyoun doing, let me tell you it is pretty tipical to make this decision by oneself without consulting a doc. (possibly not just for BPD patients but some other mental health patients as well).
> 
> Oh, one more thing. If you have any questions regarding the story, BPD, kpop, or anything I may be able to answer feel free to ask. I will answer ANYTHING.

"Hyung."

"Hyung."

"Hyung."

Seungsik had to elbow Seungwoo in the ribs to make him look up and finally acknowledge the person, a customer, who was desperately trying to get the senior's attention. Seungwoo was still oblivious to the addressing directed to his person. Seungwoo looked up from the spot he was subconsciously analyzing instead of being attentive to his actual work. He gave Seungsik apologizing look and turned toward the customer only to realize the customer was the one calling him "hyung" to seek his attention, not Seungsik. In front of him stood Yohan.

"Hyung. Finally, what were you thinking about? You had been blacked out for quite some time" and he laughed at Seungwoo's confused, although in Yohan's opinion still pretty cute, face.

"I just spaced out for a second. Anyway, what can I get you?" Seungwoo tried to move the conversation away as quickly as possible from the topic he wouldn't have wanted to discuss.

"I was actually wondering hyung if you are free after work. I mean..." Yohan was visibly nervous, probably because the two of them had made up few days before Christmas and they had only talked once since then, which was at Jinhyuk's. So this was a bit of an awkward situation and Yohan wasn't 100% confident that Seungwoo won't decline. Seungwoo agreed.

To everybody's surprise Seungsik, who had heard their super plain and boring exchange of words, decided to let Seungwoo get out of work an hour sooner with a ground that he was being a nuisance anyway in his pensive state. And Byungchan had agreed to it stating that Seungwoo needed to loosen up and relax more.

At that time the little, actually tall but little in mind, devil realized that he would have to work the counter instead of Seungwoo. Byungchan was deliberating to call Seungwoo back since he was sloth-level lazy. But Seungwoo was long gone before Byungchan's slow brain had realized the consequence.

The first idea that would come to one's mind when two people go out would probably be a coffee but since Seungwoo worked at a coffee shop Yohan had to think about an alternative. The two of them walked around a town a bit just talking about basic stuff for the sake of keeping up with each other's lives. A walk around the square in the city center was enough for them to realize that February was indeed a cold month and they were forced to escape the freezing temperature. Yohan found a nice looking teahouse with fairly normal prices and so they continued their catching up moment in the warm and cozy place of many smells lingering in the air.

Yohan's choice was a caramel milk tea almost too much sweetness in the flavor opposite to Seungwoo's fresh ginger tea.

"Oh, I see you apply the I-drink-my-coffee-plain-and-bitter-as-my-life-is even to a tea."

"Nah, I just don't need to sugarcoat my life."

Yohan was surprised by the older's response but didn't pry on the meaning behind the words. Instead, he threw in a topic he had wanted to talk about and the main reason he had even invited Seungwoo out.

"Hyung"

"Yes?"

"Don't get mad at me, okay?"

"Okay, what is it Yohan?"

"About your weight…" Yohan had entered dangerous waters. The shift in atmosphere between them was visible. Seungwoo's warm smile faded. "I was just wondering if you are all right." When the silence from Seungwoo preserved, Yohan added: "Of course I am not implying anything, I am just worried."

Seungwoo was tired, first Wooseok and now Yohan. Did everyone gang up on him?

_ flashback_

Before the new year even started, Seungyoun had changed into a different person. He wasn't aggressive, his episodes were almost non-existent. It seemed as if he got cured. Seungwoo thought about it being a good thing until Seungyoun became cold. He was rarely smiling. The love Seungwoo had been receiving from him had outdone Seungyoun's wrongs. At least Seungwoo had felt it that way. But now, there was no aggression but also no love.

Seungwoo was doubting himself once again, maybe even more than ever. Had he done something that would have triggered this kind of change? His answer came a week after Christmas, when he found a bottle with medication in Youn's drawer. Seungwoo searched the pills up on the internet and found out these were anxiety pills - Xanax. Seungyoun was taking medication but hadn't told his boyfriend anything about it.

Finding the meds wouldn't be the only thing that had happened to him. These sessions with Lee Dongwook hadn't been doing anything in Seungwoo's opinion, but he kept on with the regular once a week talk. This one day although, was different, there was so much going on in his head. He was distracted by everything and couldn't keep up with Lee Dongwook's questions or attempts to catch his attention.

When Seungwoo's gaze wandered toward the doctor's desk he noticed a file with a name Cho Seungyoun. In no way could it be a different Cho Seungyoun than his boyfriend. Seungwoo knew that Jinhyuk would have done anything to get Seungyoun a spot at his uncle's clinic.

He felt betrayed. After he left the clinic he wandered around the town not going anywhere in particular. He had nothing to eat the whole day but he felt sick to even think about food. Since that day he was hyperaware about medication's side effects in Seungyoun. Tiredness, troubles with concentrating, insomnia.

Whenever Seungyoun couldn't sleep Seungwoo had been awake too, it wasn't intentional, only natural, not being able to sleep when the love of your life is suffering from taking pills that are supposed to help. And it pained Seungwoo. But what pained him even more was to look at his boyfriend being emotionless. He was like a shell of a person. The guy who always entertained people, not just friends but others as well, was now distant. The smaller half of social-butterfly duo, yep he and Jinhyuk were that crazy to call themselves that, he was not social anymore. Although not many people had noticed given it happened in the middle of the exam period.

And Seungwoo had to hold in. Hold in his worry, his pain, his concern whenever Seungyoun had experienced a side effect. He had to keep quiet and pretend he hadn't noticed. Because Seungyoun didn't want him to know. He couldn't hug his boyfriend and tell him that together they would overcome it.

No, he couldn't because Seungyoun hadn't told him.

_ End of flashback _

Seungwoo shrugged the memories of January off. And told Yohan that he indeed lost some weight but it had been due to stress from the exams and the upcoming semester since it would be his last semester separating him from getting a bachelor state exam. But he assured Yohan that after he gets some rest and less stress in life he would gain it back in no time. Yohan was a bit skeptical about Seungwoo's reasoning but decided to believe his friend.

Of course, Seungwoo had lied to him. Sure, school did some damage too, but what had really made him lose his appetite was drowning himself in questions why was Seungyoun not telling him anything. And from carrying the heavy burden of just observing and pretending not being aware.

____

In late February Seungyoun stopped taking his meds. Actually, he had wanted to stop taking them sooner, but he had been scared that he may hurt Seungwoo again. It took him a lot of contemplating to finally decide. He hadn't told Dongwook though and he still kept going on to the therapy. But he couldn't take that crappy pills anymore.

The reason for it was that he had realized his physical condition being not good. Ha had been tired all the time. Whenever he could have he would have slept. His coach had been mad at him constantly. He got shouted at for not being able to keep up with the team. He had been threatened that he might lose his position as a captain. And then there had been Seungwoo. Seungwoo had looked so sad in the past few weeks. Seungyoun concluded it had been because of him.

So, for the sake of his successful graduation, his place in the team, his body and mind and most importantly, for the smile on his boyfriend's face, he had stopped taking his medication.

And of course, as soon as he stopped, these side effects were gone. His energy was back and he felt happier as a person. But as expected, the symptoms of his disorder came back. Not only he went back to having his old episodes they also came more often. But there was an improvement. With his occasional swing of moods or forgetfulness, he always asked Seungwoo what he had done. He insisted on being told. After all, he was aware of his disorder now, he could work it out. He truly believed that.

____

March had come and with spring the last semester for the seniors had started. First thing on a program was a teaching workshop organized for everyone interested in or signed up for teaching program not only at this particular university, but also other universities based in Seoul. Attending was a necessity to be able to finish the assistant practice at schools. Therefore every senior in pedagogy had to come but the attendance wasn't limited to the seniors only.

The workshop was held at Incheon Arts High School over the whole weekend. The students had to pack sleeping bags because they would stay the night in the school gym. Everyone was to meet up on Saturday at 10 pm and they would commute to the destination together by bus. At Incheon Arts High School they would meet other participants from different universities. Although they were seniors most of them weren't accustomed to waking up early on Saturday so seeing Jinhyuk with bed hair, face still a bit swollen after being woken up only a few minutes before the departure was understandable.

Jinhyuk was not in a teaching program but as a student body president and a person responsible for the smooth organization he had to be a part of this trip. And of course, who wouldn't want to spend two days without Wooseok's annoying ass. He was kidding, but some might understand it differently.

Even if the workshop was designed for every year's students Yohan was probably the only freshman there. He was also the first person to arrive, probably because the seniors had accustomed to the idea of arriving just on time. So he was stepping from one foot to another like a lost puppy waiting for any familiar face to save him.

The only people who had decided to attend from the “squad” were Seungyoun and Seungwoo and of course Jinhyuk, which left Yohan to be stuck by Jinhyuk's side the whole time. On the bus and during every activity Yohan couldn't find the courage to talk to Seungwoo since he feared Seungyoun's reaction. He wanted to be close with Seungwoo but his priority was to not give Seungyoun any opportunity for hurting Seungwoo again. So he retracted himself and just observed the couple closely. Seungwoo was still looking unhealthy, thin and pale. And Seungyoun was still oblivious to it.

The workshop started with very interesting exercise _5 minutes to yourself_. The point was that any person could sit on a chair prepared and do or say anything they wanted. The rest of the people were to listen and observe but they couldn't intervene. Some people shared funny stories, people who tried to teach others something. And then there was Seungwoo.

Seungwoo got up and unlike others, he didn't sit on the chair but leaned on the table behind it. He was further from the audience thus more comfortable, the chair made a figurative protective barrier in front of him as well. The kids were expectant what he would talk about but he just stood there. And at one point he started crying. Quietly, elegantly.

"It doesn't happen often that someone gives you 5 minutes just for yourself. And the audience that listens to you but cannot react to what you are saying. And that is fine, because, because. Sometimes it is all it takes. Just knowing that someone is there experiencing the moment with you. That sometimes words are not needed."

A breath he was holding escaped his mouth and he needed to inhale to keep himself composed.

"Sometimes I feel like I am predestined to misfortune. I am sad but I try to keep a smile on. But it turned out that I wonder if that is a role I am playing, if it is not a real me but just a staged reaction. I don't know." A few tears tinted his face. "But that's how I feel."

His 5 minutes ended with the last 10 seconds of silence. He uttered the least amount of words but to the spectators, he spoke the best. Those 5 minutes made everyone immersed in what was happening on the "stage". His speech was relatable to everyone. They had devoured each of his words. And they collectively got to release their emotions.

____

The workshop continued with many games, lectures, and discussions. One of the most heated topic during the workshop was the question about grading students. Some believed that there should be tables with what grade equals what percentage and that should be applied to everyone. Others, on the other hand, talked about how grades should reflect improvement of oneself. Basically that assigning grades should be individual to every student for the sake of motivating them. The discussion got heated up and later transmitted into an argument between more than two parties. But everyone pretty much enjoyed it and most importantly gained new insight on the mentioned problematics.

Later that day, as per usual during any school trip, the night time was a drinking time. The kids had bought canned drinks and snacks and made themselves comfortable in the school canteen. Someone brought a Bluetooth speaker and was operating the music accompaniment for the night.

Yohan saw Jinhyuk sitting by his own at one of the tables clutching a canned beer in his hand, he looked lost in thoughts or maybe just under some influence already. The athlete sat beside him and for some time he was just sipping his drink. He was watching Seungwoo. No matter what had been on the program that day he had made it his mission to keep his eyes on the senior. His beloved hyung was now engaged in a conversation with his boyfriend on the other side of the room.

"It's Youn, right?"

"Huh?"

"The one who is on your mind right now and he was since we left the campus." Jinhyuk looked at Yohan's direction but the younger was keeping his gaze on the couple.

"The one hurting Seungwoo-hyung is Seungyoun."

"Don't meddle in Yohan."

"But hyung, why is everybody silent about it, why are we not doing anything?! Why, are YOU, always telling me, not to butt in?!" Yohan was now shaking his head in disapproval. "I don't understand hyung."

Jinhyuk wasn't going to tell Yohan anything specific but he had to somehow satisfy his curiosity otherwise the boy would hurt himself or maybe even others around him by engaging in the matter too much.

"It's not Seungyoun's fault." Jinhyuk sighed, "It's not, so leave them, leave Seungwoo to it, okay?"

Yohan wanted to react but before that, he spotted how Seungyoun grabbed Seungwoo who winced upon the touch painfully. When Jinhyuk wasn't getting any reaction he turned his face from the younger to where a small commotion started. Seungwoo was trying to yank out from Seungyoun's grasp and everyone was just standing there without doing anything. Everyone pretended to not see or rather not to meddle in, probably because no one knew what they were supposed to do. Those who had known Seungyoun from school knew him as a funny nice guy who was immersed in love with his boyfriend. The notice of them being the school's couple had traveled around since their freshman year so no one had expected to witness their argument. And those who hadn't known Seungyoun from before and had only met him today felt like they were in no position to intervene.

When it was visible that Seungwoo was struggling with getting far from Seungyoun Yohan got up from his seat and run to the scene. He grabbed Seungyoun's arm, the one that rested on Seungwoo's forearm and he pressed it in an attempt to free Seungwoo from Seungyoun's grasp. When Seungwoo was able to refrain his arm back, Yohan grabbed Seungyoun by a collar and shouted at him as what he had been doing.

Everything happened too quickly. In one second, Seungwoo was trying to separate the two enraged boys from each other and the second later he was thrown on the floor and kicked with Seungyoun's foot. The spectators were frozen on spot. No one was able to react. The situation changed from an argument into one-sided outrage.

Luckily, Jinhyuk was able to wake up from his trans, shortened the distance separating him from the commotion and slapped Seungyoun's face hard. This made Seungyoun to stop and realize what he had done. Seungyoun immediately approached Seungwoo who in fetal position trembled on the floor. He knelt by his side and tried to place his hand on Seungwoo's back in an attempt to say he was sorry.

"Woo I-"

Seungwoo flinched. As much as he was sorry for what he had done he couldn't outdo it. When he saw his cute, caring, beautiful boyfriend lying on the floor like a hurt animal he couldn’t bear the heaviness of his actions. He retracted his hand and left the room in a hurry.

Yohan jumped to Seungwoo's side, grabbed him princess style and got him out of the room. He had no particular idea where to take Seungwoo so he just dropped him down on the floor in the hallway not so far away from the canteen.

Meanwhile, Jinhyuk took the initiative to sort out the mess his friends had created. He was standing in the middle of the spurious circle the other students made around him where the act had taken place.

"I would appreciate, if what just happened, stayed here. If I may ask you that."

The party had unofficially dismissed.

____

Yohan caressed Seungwoo's face. The guy was trembling so much, the eyes unfocused, he was lost in his head and Yohan had no idea how to bring his consciousness back. Seungwoo was hiccupping and not able to move. His hands were clutched in painful cramps and he seemed unable to force any words out of his mouth.

Yohan was worried. He was telling Seungwoo that it would be okay, and that he just needed to breathe, slowly. Breath in. Breath out. But Seungwoo had a hard time concentrating.

It took some time but the older was finally able to get out a muffled sound.

"Hands. Press. Please." It was urgent. So Yohan did what he had been told and pressed Seungwoo's hands probably to release it from the cramps.

"More." "More."

Yohan was unsure whether it was okay to press Seungwoo's hands more even though he had asked for it. How could Yohan know how rational or irrational Seungwoo's request was.

It took long before Yohan could let go of Seungwoo's hands completely, but the senior had finally calmed down. A single tear escaped Seungwoo's eye and run down his cheek. He was shocked by what he had just experienced. The cramps, trembling, being unable to move or speak were signs of a panic attack.

Yohan was talking to Seungwoo but the older wasn't listening and so Yohan did that one stupid thing he could think of.

He kissed Seungwoo.

Seungwoo was startled but not more than Yohan upon realizing that Seungwoo had not backed off but returned the kiss. It was more than a peck but less than a make out. It conveyed emotions such as safety and appreciation from Yohan and a desire to be loved coming from Seungwoo.

Out of exhaustion Seungwoo fell in Yohan's arms to a peaceful slumber in the random high school hallway after a public argument with his boyfriend of 4 years. He deserved some rest.


	12. Shattering The Glass Castle Into Pile of Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me so much time to write (I am not joking I spent 3 days wrting this) and some stress too since I had to prepare the ground for the finale. I was worried i may forget something important which would make it impossible to finish the story in the next chapter.  
Now only the final chapter remains!
> 
> Oh and by the way, when i started this chapter it seemed like it would be extremely short but it turned out to be my longest chapter so far.  
Please enjoy!

The travel back from Incheon on Sunday morning was silent. Not only the four friends didn't talk to each other or to anyone else, they kept quiet the whole time. But practically everyone attending the workshop was feeling under the weather. The breakfast had been nerve-wracking. Everyone had felt like if they had showed any kind of having fun it would have been inappropriate to the overall mood. Jinhyuk who was never the one to shut his mouth, the mood-maker, was now lost in his own thoughts, he was frowning and occasionally shooting daggers toward Seungyoun.

Under normal circumstances, the four of them, Seungwoo, Seungyoun, Yohan and Jinhyuk, would be sitting together in the bus but not now. Seungwoo entered the bus first and sat next to some random girl. Seungyoun followed him but chose a seat very far from the other, in a corner of the last row. Jinhyuk sat alone, but near Seungwoo's seat, he put headphones on and stared out of the window. Yohan, who initially wanted to sit next to Seungwoo or eventually in the row next to his if Jinhyuk had decided to fill Seungyoun's space, plopped himself down in the first seat available. It was due to a consideration to Jinhyuk who was probably tired and not in the mood to be in anyone's presence as he gave off.

Just a simple thing like seating arrangement in the bus made everyone realize that worse was yet to come.

Jinhyuk was self-reflecting his decisions and started blaming himself for not intervening sooner. They happened to be friends since childhood and the two had been dating for four years, he had know how the relationship had been. He could have, he should have done something. But he blindly believed Seungwoo that he was having everything under control. For the fuck's sake what control was that! Getting beaten up in front of so many people in the middle of a workshop. How could he let that happen!

Yohan was observing Seungwoo, his almost nonexistent movements, his facial expressions, the state he was in. The older was slouching in his seat, hugging his knees where his chin rested on. He tried to fill the tiniest space possible. It was so obvious he wasn't comfortable being around anyone, especially those who were present during yesterday's argument, and in his own skin. Seungwoo was biting his lower lip and occasionally glanced towards the far end of the bus where Seungyoun had taken a seat.

Even when Yohan knew Seungwoo had slept during the night, since he had been the one to carry him to the school gym where everyone had their sleeping bags spread, he still looked like a wreck. Apparently his ribs hurt and his knee also started acting up. The pain in his knee was probably more of a psychological effect. The situation could have brought painful memories.

The bus brought them back to the university campus, the other students visibly relaxed but for the four friends, it meant another stress coming up. Every single one of them felt the heaviness of the situation when they climbed the stairs to their respective floors at the dormitory. Seungwoo's movement was mechanical, every step felt as if he was drowning. And he was. He was slipping into the darkness of his own thoughts and he would have continued with it if Yohan didn't grab his hand when they entered the fifth floor.

"Let's get coffee at mine." Without waiting for an answer, there probably wouldn't have been one, Yohan dragged Seungwoo one floor up. Jinhyuk left for his room without a word and Seungyoun was left alone. He concluded a shower could be nice, grabbed a towel and went to the shared bathrooms on this floor wishing it would clear his mind.

Meanwhile, Seungwoo and Yohan entered the kitchen on the sixth floor. They didn't go to Yohan's room for a simple reason - the encounter with more people with prying ears, in this case, Junho and maybe even Hangyul, was not what Seungwoo needed or wanted right now. He would even prefer to not meet anyone at all which, given that it was Sunday morning, was rather a realistic wish. Surprisingly many students were leaving for home during weekends.

Yohan turned the kettle filled with water on to make them a coffee. He didn't want to leave Seungwoo on his own when he would have go for cups so he took some plastic cups he found in the kitchen. It was actually surprising to find anything there. The dormitory didn't provide anything, no utensils, no oven, not even a microwave. The kitchen was actually a room with a sink, trashcan, and a small table, but without chairs. The people on the sixth floor were nice enough to leave there some stuff for everyone to use. So the empty room now contained an electric kettle, a toaster, one pan, one cooking pot, a jar with coffee and a tea caddy, and of course about 10 reusable plastic cups originally from a coffee machine.

Before Yohan filled the cups with boiling water Seungwoo called it off. It was the first time he spoke that day and it was not something that would make Yohan happy. But he still let the older go, obviously, what else could he do. Seungwoo wanted to go to his room and resolve the issue with Seungyoun as soon as possible.

507/C03 the room that was Seungwoo's for the past four years was now making him uncomfortable. He felt cold in there, and it wasn't for the radiators being turned down, it was the overall feeling he was getting from the surroundings. When he came in he saw Seungyoun sitting on their shared bed, his hair was wet and the water was dripping down on the floor. His boyfriend was sitting there silently, not even acknowledging Seungwoo's presence in the room.

Seungwoo took the small dark-blue towel that was hanging on the armrest of Seungyoun's chair. He approached Seungyoun, kneeled on the bed right behind him and started drying his hair for him. Seungyoun was facing forward not giving any reaction. All Seungyoun could think of was a resentment towards himself.

Seungwoo was focused on drying, he was gentle. Despite everything the younger had done to him, he cared for Seungyoun so much. Seungyoun's heart was feeling heavy, he didn't deserve such an amazing person in his life. And more importantly Seungwoo didn't deserve Seungyoun. A breath he was holding escaped his mouth. "Let's break up."

Seungwoo kept silent until he finished drying Seungyoun's hair. "I will stay at Jinhyuk's."

____

Nobody mentioned what had happened at the workshop but practically everyone from the sports department picked up right away that there was something different about Seungyoun and about the school couple. To be precise, the school couple wasn't a couple anymore. That was the biggest change no one had expected. The most ideal, cute, loving relationship that everyone envied had ended. People were not able to just take it as a fact. Especially girls thought there had to be a catch and so the wave of gossips and speculations about what could have been the reason for the breakup started. Anyone would anticipate that people would have some consciousness at this age, but no they were acting like teenage girls not having anything better to do with their life than to discuss somebody else's relationship.

When Seungyoun entered the lecture hall to attend his first lesson after the weekend the small clumps, the gossipers had made and which had been engaged in the discussion concerning his person, lowered their voices and almost everyone directed their best I-feel-sorry-for-you face towards him. Seungyoun felt sick. He had expected everyone talking about their breakup, but he hadn't wanted it to blow up like this.

Baekjin approached Seungyoun but unlike his usual sarcastic remarks he had been using instead of a greeting he just hugged the football player tightly. "It's gonna be fine." Seungyoun was never the one to voluntarily open up about his emotions, but he needed someone's fake reassurance that everything would be all right. Otherwise his already crumbling world would get destroyed completely. Seungyoun wrapped his own arms around Baekjin's shoulders to complete their little extra moment not minding some girls had taken out a cell phone to capture a shot and probably share it with the rest of the school. He wondered since when had Seungwoo and his relationship become this medialized. He meant his past relationship, the change from yesterday to today had been so quick that he hadn't accustomed to not calling Seungwoo his boyfriend yet.

On the other side of the campus, Seungwoo was experiencing something completely opposite, at least ten girls had come to him wanting to comfort him. They ushered him to talk it out promising he would feel better. It was annoying. At the end of the day, Wooseok had to shout at the girls to keep their asses off, yep he had literally done that.

____

Seungwoo had stayed at Jinhyuk and Wooseok's room only for a few days. First, it was against the dormitory rules to let more people than the room was designed for, to stay in. Second, Seungwoo had felt bad for bothering the couple with his presence. In no way had they been mad at him, they had wanted to help but that had not made Seungwoo feel any less like an intruder. And third, as much as he had tried to avoid Seungyoun, they had been inhabiting the same floor with shared bathrooms, kitchen, hallway, and stairs. It had been impossible to not meet him at least once or twice a day. They had brushed their teeth together in the morning, they had run into each other while making a coffee. It had been too painful for both of them. They had broken up but they obviously loved each other invariably.

So Seungwoo had persuaded Byungchan if he could move in with him for the time being. And so he did. Although his intention was to move somewhere else on his own sooner or later, he still grabbed the opportunity to leave the dormitory as soon as possible. Byungchan was renting a flat together with Sejin, Yuvin, and Jungmo. They all had accepted Seungwoo without a problem although they had only met him a few times and never engaged in deeper conversation. The only issue was the number of beds, but Seungwoo was fine sleeping on the sofa.

This new arrangement made him not to encounter Seungyoun at all. The two shared only two classes together, the pedagogical minimum they had to complete, but even there they managed to avoid or completely ignore each other without much issue. In one particular lesson though, Seungwoo came a bit too late and the only available seat was right behind Seungyoun. So the whole lesson, Seungwoo was just observing the younger and not paying attention to the study topic. If only Seungyoun had known how much Seungwoo still loved him.

That day had been the worst day since they had broken up two weeks ago. Seungwoo left the campus not minding that he still had one lecture to go. When he got home Byungchan picked up on Seungwoo's distress. And so he suggested a movie night. Although he called it a movie afternoon since it was barely 4pm. Luckily none of the other inhabitants were at home yet so Byungchan had thought of it as an opportunity to try to get Seungwoo speak about what had been troubling him. The older was notorious for keeping his struggles to himself but Byungchan was not having it, not under his roof. Technically it wasn't his, the flat was rented, but you get the point.

They bundled themselves under the duvet on Seungwoo's temporary bed – the sofa. Byungchan chose a film, it was not intentional, but his naive brain hadn't realize that the story about The Little Mermaid wouldn't be so fitting, but Seungwoo asked him to keep it, and so they settled comfortably and watched Ariel exchanging her voice for a pair of legs. The story was cute but the whole "let's watch a film" was just an excuse and it soon turned out to Byungchan playing a psychologist.

Not that Seungwoo didn't have his own therapist, sometimes it was better talking to a friend instead. Byungchan had noticed that Seungwoo was eating his heart out. He was unable to let go of Seungyoun. Sure two weeks were not that much time but Byungchan had the idea that this would continue until someone stopped Seungwoo in holding onto Seungyoun. "You should move on."

Byungchan was not expecting Seungwoo to straight say yes, he only wanted him to think about it. What surprised the guy with dimples was that Seungwoo opened up to him. He told Byungchan that he was having a hard time coping with the break-up. They had been together for 4 years, they happened to live together for as long as they had know each other, life without Seungyoun was just so different. It was as if Seungwoo was thrown into adulthood once again but this time without a guidance Seungyoun had provided. The two of them had not been just like any other couple, they had overcome so many obstacles together. He was not ready to let go of all that easily.

Only after those two weeks, the first time since the break-up, Seungwoo finally broke down in tears. He was sobbing hard, crying his heart out, all the emotions visible. The always dependable strong hyung was only a lost child. His loud cries over-shouted the film and Byungchan could only hug Seungwoo tight and be there for him.

____

"You know, but he kissed me back."

"Maybe you are looking into it too much, he was vulnerable"

"But Junho-ya, don't you think I have even the slightest chance?"

"So you are finally acknowledging you have feelings towards him?" Hangyul chuckled. He, as always, parasitized over at Junho and Yohan's room "Oh boy, you are fucked up."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you expect of him, he just broke up from a four-year-long relationship. I don't think you should make a move." Then he added: "But believe me, my friend, I am rooting for you."

Yohan had been spending a lot of time with Seungwoo since the workshop although it might not have been enough to charm the older. So he was here in his room sprawled on the bed hypnotizing the ceiling and experiencing his first big relationship crisis.

Seungwoo had not brought up the kiss they had shared that day at Incheon Arts High School. Had he been pretending it hadn't happened or was Seungwoo too shaken up at that time to remember it? Yohan couldn't get those thoughts out of his head, but getting advice from Junho and Hangyul was probably the stupidest idea. Yohan had been pinning on his hyung for one and a half of the semester and the attraction he felt was still unwavering. What he needed was just a well thought through plan how to make a move, and how to make it right.

First what he did was spending all his free time with Seungwoo. Yohan was visiting the café Seungwoo worked at. Of course, he found a great friend in Seungsik, Seungwoo's coworker. He accompanied Seungwoo home from school. Time to time they shared lunch together.

Although Seungwoo was looking okay, Yohan would pick up how he wasn't enjoying himself during any activity. At that time, Yohan made his goal to change that. It didn't matter that Seungwoo did not love him in a romantic way, yet. Yohan wanted to bring happiness to Seungwoo's life again.

One day he decided to tag along with Seungwoo when he was going to his regular psychologist session. He waited the whole hour until Seungwoo finished and then he took him for a walk. It had been a month since Seungwoo had started occupying Byungchan's sofa. Yohan was expecting Seungwoo to be over the break up by now, but it was evident he needed more time. Yet Yohan didn't want to wait anymore. Of course, he was not going to jump Seungwoo here in the park or anything he just wanted things to start to move slowly.

When they were parting ways that evening in front of the block of flats where Byungchan's rented flat was Yohan stopped Seungwoo before he could go up by grabbing his hand and he made him to face him. Seungwoo's fingers were cold despite the weather reflecting the season - spring - perfectly. Yohan played with Seungwoo's fingers not being able to start his speech which he had practiced three times yesterday. Hangyul had helped him to rehearse the encounter so Yohan wouldn't back off in the actual situation.

"Hyung, remember when we kissed?"

Seungwoo's face heated up, his ears were red and the fact that Yohan was playing with his fingers wasn't helping to control the flush on his face at all. It didn't matter if he had feelings for Yohan or not, it was normal to get shy when someone was showing you affection. Seungwoo nodded.

"I am going to do it again." Yohan shortened the distance between the two bodies. Seungwoo's lips tasted like coffee, bitter, but it was surprisingly addictive. Seungwoo didn't push him off, but when Yohan retreated on his own after taking as much as his lung capacity allowed him, he noticed Seungwoo was crying.

"Hyung."

Seungwoo wiped his cheek with his palm. "I am sorry Yohan-ah, I am sorry." Seungwoo couldn't keep eye contact with Yohan. He rather faced the ground. "It's too soon."

"It's fine hyung, don't worry. Good night hyung."

"Good night Yohan-ah." When he was in the safety of his flat, Seungwoo called Wooseok's number. He was extremely conflicted about what he was supposed to do. He retold the whole experience to Wooseok and waited for the wisdom from the younger friend.

"Seungwoo, I am not forcing you into anything, but you deserve to be happy."

____

"We broke up." Seungyoun started talking before even taking a seat. As composed as he tried to present himself at school he couldn't pretend he was fine in front of Lee Dongwook. Especially when he was not.

"Do you want to tell me more?"

"I love him so much, I miss him so much" Seungyoun couldn't keep his body at rest, he was not seated anymore, he had only managed that for a minute. He was pacing around the room. "I can't do this without him, I just can't."

"Seungyoun-ah, let's calm down. Shall we? Could you do that?" Dongwook was trying to be as calm as possible, he didn't want Seungyoun to slip into a panic attack. Seungyoun was agitated, he randomly swung his arm and managed to knock a few books down from the shelf.

"IEvenBroughtNewGoldfish. ForWhenHeComesBack. HeComesBack."

"You are being obsessive Seungyoun-ah."

"WHAT CAN YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS."

"Please calm down."

And really, Seungyoun calmed down, but since he was back to his self and could do the rational decisions by himself, he ignored what Dongwook was telling him, he left the clinic and didn't forget to slam the door.

Dongwook knew there was no need to follow him. His episode had passed, he wouldn't do any harm to himself or the others, and as much as it seemed like an impulsive decision to leave he probably was intending to go somewhere for quite a while but needed to muster up courage.

20 minutes later and Seungyoun was knocking on the door of 531, behind the door stood surprised Jinhyuk. It had been a month and he was still mad at Seungyoun, but the boy was his best friend and he couldn't stay mad at him forever. Jinhyuk invited Seungyoun in. Seungyoun apologized by kneeling and bowing down. He meant it. Jinhyuk quickly ushered him to stand up saying this kind of formal apology was not needed and that he had forgiven him a long time ago.

It took three hours until they managed to share what they had missed over the past month. It felt like old times when they had been kids. How they had shared ice cream on the bench in front of their house telling each other the deepest secret the ten-year-olds could have. Or how Jinhyuk had asked Seungyoun for advice about his relationship with Wooseok on swings at 3 am. Only now, the one deeply in love was Seungyoun.

"Did I really do right to let him go?"

____

Hangyul rang the doorbell at Byungchan's place. He had been invited together with Yohan and Junho to a game night Byungchan had organized. The idea was to chill and relieve stress before everyone would be busy with finals as the end of May was approaching. It was meant to be just a small meeting with friends over chips, beer, and Candyland, the best game in the world according to Byungchan. Among the invited people was also Jinhyuk and Wooseok, but Jinhyuk as a student body president had so much work to finish before handing his position over since he was graduating this year. And Wooseok decided to pass.

Seungwoo was very good at pretending that nothing had happened between him and Yohan. They talked just fine during the evening. Yohan kept on being near Seungwoo all the time, they even sat next to each other on the sofa. When Seungwoo leaned forward to grab a few cheese balls Yohan did the same and their fingers brushed over each other. Seungwoo retracted his hand immediately.

"We are out of beer." Someone shouted from the kitchen. Seungwoo immediately suggested he would go to a 24/7 grocery store, he needed to get some fresh air anyway and partying never attracted him. Yohan obviously offered to go with him.They found the store and everything they needed in a record time.

On their way back Yohan stopped Seungwoo. It felt like a déjà vu. Something like this had happed two weeks ago. The two of them at night standing in front of the block of flats. Only this time Yohan couldn't stop Seungwoo by grabbing his hand since they were both carrying the drinks.

"Hyung, you know I like you, actually a lot."

"I am sorry Yohan-ah."

"It's fine hyung, just please, don't ever be sad again." Yohan flashed him a smile.

With the mention of happiness, Seungwoo could only think of one person – Seungyoun.


	13. When a Boy Meets a Boy Who Met a Boy Long Time Ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, 5K words for the ending.  
I would like to thank everyone who read, commented and epecially I would like to thank everyone who hit me up on twitter! I am so happy i was able to make some friends :)
> 
> I stated it many times before but this ff took a lot from reality. My step-father suffers from BPD and quite lot of the events in the story were 100% taken from my own experience. That's why this story is so importat to me. If you are in any way interested in BPD hit me up i can get you some sources and I also wrote a short academic paper about it so. 
> 
> There is one thing I would like to ask for though. Please check out the titles of individual chapters i paid a lot of attention to them. Especially this chapter's title could be interpreted in two ways. 
> 
> It would be amazing if you had fun reading this. And I hope you can understand the reasons behind my finale.

Seungwoo was polishing the glass cups when the bell attached to the door of the café rung signaling a customer walked in. It was probably his hundredth cup or so, not that he was counting, actually, he was, this was a 14th cup he tried to clean to the point it was glittering. It felt more like he was just playing with glass instead of being a barista.

His shift was a hell. It was one of the most boring shifts he had in the past few months, probably because it was pouring heavily outside. It was obvious that the students on the campus would prefer to use coffee machines inside each building or make their own coffee. Therefore, the customers on the rainy days consisted mostly of people who came to find a shelter from the rain or those who had to grab a drink on their way to work, which in reality meant that the café was empty.

The bell on the door was a cue to put on a smile and greet the customer but when Seungwoo looked up from the glass cup in his hand his eyes met with a certain sports department senior who was, had been, his roommate and most importantly who was his ex-boyfriend. Seungyoun closed his clear umbrella and shouted a hello which was not particularly directed to anyone it was just an established polite convention.

Seungwoo as well as Seungsik whom he had a shift with, together with Midam, Seungwoo's junior at English, who was in the back making macarons they served at the café, just stood still instead of politely greeting the customer. In a grasp of a second Seungwoo had to grab Seungsik by the arm as the younger was more than ready to knock Seungyoun's teeth out.

It was nothing new that Seungsik hated Seungyoun. Seungwoo was his good friend and what he had gotten through because of Seungyoun hadn't gone unnoticed by Sik. And especially after the couple had broken up and Seungsik had witnessed Seungwoo's emotional breakdowns he wanted the older to be finally at peace. Meaning he didn't need Seungyoun appearing at the café two or so months after they had ended it in not particularly a good way.

More surprising than Youn appearing at the shop was how always calm and composed Seungsik lost his cool when seeing him. Only when Sik got visibly calmed down dared Seungyoun to speak. He asked Seungsik if he could borrow Seungwoo for a second. His answer was initially met with disapproval and reasoning that Seungwoo was irreplaceable behind the counter.

Seungyoun looked around the empty shop and when he met Seungsik's eyes again they both knew how stupid his argument was. But before they could jump at each other like two angry wolves Seungwoo cleared his throat. He could understand Seungsik's protectiveness and he was grateful for it but he was not that weak that he wouldn't be able to face his ex on his own. He assured Seungsik that he was indeed completely fine and that he would talk to Youn for a bit. When Seungyoun added that they will just sit at one of the tables at the café where Seungsik can see them, Seungsik gave up and let the two do their talking.

Seungwoo wasn't fine. At first, he couldn't understand why it was a big deal for Seungsik to not allow the two of them to talk, but now that he was with Seungyoun alone he subconsciously was on alert. Not being it for Seungsik he wouldn't even question the absurdity of the two of them talking casually after what had happened the last time they were together, which was the weekend of the workshop at the beginning of the semester in March. It was June in a few days.

They sat across each other behind a wooden desk with a square-shaped top compartment. Seungwoo was acting like he had never been in this particular coffee shop despite working there for years. Everything was just a tiny bit more interesting than ever now that Seungyoun was in his near proximity. The shop was color coordinated in light brown, mustard and white. The shop was divided into three areas which differed only in the style of the seat arrangements. Seungwoo and Seungyoun were sitting behind a normal-sized table but the café also had a long high tables with barstools where a person could be seated only from one side. They had those tables by the windows and also as a part of the counter. Lastly, they had small coffee tables with spacious and comfortable armchairs.

Seungwoo observed the floor, the desk, the light-bulbs hung down by their wires from the ceiling bringing a bit of futuristic, Wooseok would have said artistic, vibe to otherwise homey café. They had been broken up for over 2 months and as confident as Seungwoo wanted to seem he couldn't look Seungyoun to the face. When the older's eyes accidentally wandered past Seungyoun he realized the other had his eyes set on him the whole time.

"Are you that uncomfortable with me?"

"I am," was heard behind Seungyoun. Out of nowhere Seungsik appeared next to him with two cups of coffee on a tray. Seungsik couldn't just observe from the far away when he knew how Seungwoo's personality was. The older was too nice to say something to Seungyoun even if he had been uncomfortable.

Seungsik put the cups on the table and of course, he didn't forget to slam Seungyoun's caramel macchiato loudly in front of him to show that if he tried anything Seungsik was ready to fight him. He then patted Seungwoo on the back and with I-can-kick-him-out-if-you-want facial expression he retreated back to his spot behind the counter.

Seungsik's action had broken the momentum of awkwardness and it somehow had helped Seungwoo to gain the confidence he needed. He composed himself in front of his ex-boyfriend and grabbed the cup with both of his hands to suppress the slight tremor. "What did you want to talk about?"

Now it was Seungyoun's time to get nervous. He scratched the behind of his head and smiled sheepishly which Seungwoo found a bit unusual for Seungyoun. The younger wasn't typically the one to get flustered, or at least he had not got in the past year. Seungyoun, how Seungwoo remembered him, was a bit different from how he had been when they had started dating back in their first semester. This Seungyoun in front of him reminded him of the one he had fallen in love with.

His steam of thoughts was interrupted by Seungyoun's words. "I guess I didn't think this through properly." Seungyoun then sipped from his hot drink but he hissed in pain the second he gulped the liquid down. He realized it too late that the drink was burning hot and he had managed to burn his tongue. He immediately started making exaggerated gestures and sticking his tongue out in an attempt to cool it down. Seungyoun stopped the tantrum only when he heard Seungwoo chuckling.

God, Seungyoun thought Seungwoo was still as cute as he remembered him to be. At first, Seungyoun stared at Seungwoo but later he joined the older in laughing. The awkward or tense atmosphere was now gone and they could finally catch up. Not exactly, Seungwoo was supposed to be at work but Seungsik was kind enough – truly an angel – and assured Seungwoo that he and Midam could take care of those zero customers they had in the shop. Also, Seungsik would probably be glad if Seungwoo figured his things with Seungyoun out first before going back to work.

They hadn't seen each other for two months but it felt like they had so much to share. They talked a lot, especially Seungyoun. He had been notorious for never shutting his mouth up and that stayed with him. At some point, Seungwoo felt almost as if the two of them had never broken up. When they chatted for more than 40 minutes Seungwoo started glancing towards the counter where Seungsik stood. The older felt bad for not keeping his colleague a company on this boring shift. Seungyoun noticed the distraction. "I am keeping you away from your work, am I not? I get it. I will go now." Seungyoun started collecting his belongings but before he could leave Seungwoo grabbed the sleeve of his sweater.

"I had fun."

This made Seungyoun sit back on the chair. He grabbed Seungwoo's hand gently as if he was careful to what extent he could touch Seungwoo without having Seungsik wringing his neck. "I was wondering." Seungyoun wasn't typically a shy person but this time he was struggling with letting out what he initially had come to ask Seungwoo when he had walked through the door of the café that day. "If it would be too ambitious to ask you on a date?"

Seungyoun wasn't delusional, he knew how unrealistic his proposal was and before he had arrived he had practiced his reaction to when Seungwoo had turned him down. But it certainly blew his socks off when the older responded positively to the date.

____

Byungchan noticed something odd about Seungwoo. He couldn't quite put it into the words but something had changed. Since Byungchan put his mind into the matter of what has gone different with Seungwoo he wouldn't let go until he found the truth. And the truth strung him after a few days of observing Seungwoo. The older became less depressed, more talkative, he was engaging with his roommates and most notably he had been sleeping less on the sofa, only now Byungchan realized his hyung hadn't even been sleeping at their apartment lately.

As big as a detective Byungchan wanted to be, this was the maximum range of his observations and even though he wanted to present an amazing deduction he couldn't make up a conclusion. But apart from being unhealthy curious Byungchan was also pretty shameless. One day he just casually confronted Seungwoo about the pile of questions he had.

The scenarios Byungchan had come up with sounded amusing to Seungwoo, although he was a bit hurt when Byungchan presented a hypothesis that Seungwoo had been sleeping outside the flat because Jungmo was unable to wash the dishes and the shared area smelled like a fried chicken. Seungwoo was not hiding anything from him, so when Byung suggested that he got into a relationship again, Seungwoo could only nod with his head.

"Hyung that's ama-"

"But it's nothing yet. We are taking it slow this time."

"This time?" Byungchan had his signature expression of not-understanding-a-thing plastered on his face for anyone to see. Anyone would say they could even imagine the question marks rotating around his head how deeply in thought he was. When he put two and two together Seungwoo had already left the flat.

It was his weekly appointment with doctor Lee. Even when Seungwoo had explored the counseling room many times he couldn't resist the urge to observe the shelves with books again. Byungchan was the first who had noticed a change in Seungwoo's behavior but Dongwook picked it up as well within the first 10 minutes of their appointment.

It was a bit bold of a question but Dongwook directly asked Seungwoo if he was dating. Seungwoo ignored his question. Instead, he started talking about what he had realized in those two months he hadn't seen Seungyoun. What he hadn't known before about dating a person with BPD.

"At first I felt bad, I felt like I am throwing away what we had just because of his disorder. Not because I wouldn't love him anymore. But that. The disorder is awful. I hate it. Hate it so much. It destroys people. I resented the disorder and I resented myself for not being strong enough to overcome it with Youn. You know, I never blamed or resented Seungyoun. It was all the disorder's fault. And mine for being weak. I feel so inadequate. Seungyoun has so much to go through and I feel like I failed him. I left him. And it doesn't matter that it was because I wasn't feeling strong enough to carry on. The last thing I needed at that time was indeed a relationship with someone who is sick. I had a lot on my plate already. Some shits to get out from and Seungyoun was just a tip of an iceberg. I mean. I needed to leave but that does not change the fact that I left someone who needed me."

"Seungwoo-"

"No don't take me wrong, doctor. I am not saying I didn't do the right thing. I am just saying that I am a different person now. And as obnoxious as it may sound I am proud of myself. I may not look like it but I am very strong. This whole experience made me realize it."

Seungwoo had to catch a breath. He was tearing up already. But Dongwook didn't interfere with his speech, he patiently waited until Seungwoo was ready to resume the talking.

"This person, the person with BPD is so pitiful. They can either take medication for the rest of their life and become void, just a shell, no emotions, nothing. Isn't that scary? It will destroy them. Or they may not take it, they will end up alone. No real friends, no lover, no kids. Or. Or. They won't, when they find someone who will understand them and will make a sacrifice."

Another short pause for Seungwoo to catch his breath and Dongwook once again stayed completely silent.

"I know it's not right. But I am not letting him take this path alone. All those situations are scary and sad. But how I feel. I cannot change it. Even that kind of person deserves love. And I believe. Even if it is just one day that is beautiful with Youn I can give up the other days for this short happiness."

Seungwoo composed himself and told Dongwook that today was the last day he had come to the appointment. He thanked him for helping him realize all sorts of things and left the building. The building with outside staircase, plants, courtyard, and one charming charlatan who resided in. Only this time Seungwoo was sure that the word charlatan was an understatement.

Meanwhile, Dongwook closed Seungwoo's file and put it in the bottom drawer of his desk where he stored finished cases. And he mumbled for himself: "I know you are. You are very strong Seungwoo."

____

June was at its end and Junho vehemently tried to clean the window in their dormitory room. With the end of the semester and upcoming summer break, they had to vacate the rooms. That also meant the ultimate cleaning was required. They successfully finished their first year at university without any class failed which sadly couldn't be said about Hangyul who failed his theoretical anatomy class. What did it matter that Hangyul aced all his practical classes when his brain could only grasp when his body was giving him cues that he should be eating or sleeping. He rarely used his brain.

Yohan was sweeping the floor thinking about the past year. He remembered meeting Jinhyuk and Seungyoun for the first time. He remembered how he had made a fool out of himself in front of the TA. How he had befriended Hangyul almost instantly. How he had thought that Junho had been weird. How they had played the match against the seniors or when they had been introduced to everyone in Jinhyuk's room. How he had enjoyed the amusement park visit. How they had cooked dinner together and when they had gone to the workshop. He also remembered the stress from his first credit test and his first exam. But in all of this, he couldn't forget his crush on Seungwoo. Every memory he had from his first year at the university was connected to the senior.

Junho swung his hand in front of Yohan's face for the third time. "Earth to Yohan, Earth to Yohan."

When Yohan snapped back Junho reminded him that he had been sweeping the same spot for quite some time and it won't be any cleaner. The two of them finished the cleaning quickly and asked for the respective person to come and check them out after confirming their room was clean. They honestly couldn't understand why it was such a big deal to have everything cleaned top-notch when they would be moving in again in a few weeks. Junho and Yohan decided they wanted to stay together and booked the same room again for the upcoming semester.

When they walked down the stairs of the building they wouldn't be seeing for a while they ran into Seungyoun and Baekjin, who was helping Seungyoun to move out from the dormitory to his own one-room studio. The freshmen politely greeted their seniors. Technically they were no longer their seniors since they graduated this semester. Yohan was staring coldly at Seungyoun but he kept his polite nature. What surprised him though, was that Seungyoun ruffled his hair with his hand and showed him a proud smile. He actually wished both of the boys the best and suggested to Yohan that he should try becoming the captain of their football team. The short and in Yohan's opinion a bit awkward talk was interrupted by Seungyoun's ringtone and the following phone call he received.

"No, we can still go after my appointment ends."

"…"

"Yep, I am glad I am doing this again too."

"…"

"See you later."

He showed his phone in the back pocket of his light blue jeans and wished the boys good luck in their studies again before he bid them goodbye.

Seungyoun's date had been postponed because of his rescheduled appointment with Dongwook. Yes, Seungyoun still frequented the psychology clinic although he was not taking his medication he still wanted to do something. He had come clean to Dongwook that he stopped taking pills and that he hadn't been planning on to change that. Luckily the doctor had agreed under the condition that he would be diligently going to his appointments twice a week.

It was a movie date at the cinema. They watched Bong Joonho's Parasite, ate popcorn, wandered around the town during the night until they crushed down at Seungyoun's studio. It was quite tiny even for the price but it was situated in the center of Seoul so it was to be expected. The room was filled with paper boxes since it was only a day since Seungyoun, with the help of Baekjin, moved in. There was one blanket and one pillow on the bed, one cup on the table, one toothbrush in the bathroom and there was one goldfish in the small aquarium on the window-still.

At 2 am, Byungchan, who was watching TV with Sejin in the living room of their shared apartment, received a text message stating: "Won't be coming home today."

____

_ A year and a half later, December _

A small boy with brown curly was treading on the ground hesitant to knock on the door. He was almost ready to attempt knocking when he heard a chuckle behind him and spotted the school's sports team coach. The coach evaded the boy and opened the door to the teacher's lounge. He didn't close the door intending to let the boy know he can enter the room as well.

The room was empty but for the two men, the coach who opened the door and the teacher he was looking for. "What do you need Hyeongjun-ah?" The boy, Hyeongjun, walked closer to his English teacher and with the best puppy eyes he could pull off he asked: "Han-seonsaengnim, can you postpone the test? Just for this once, please."

Seungwoo smiled at the cuteness of the boy. He put his elbow on the desk he was sitting by and supported his head by putting a palm under his chin. "I am listening."

"I know we should have studied more but no one is ready for the test. And it's Christmas soon, can't you make an exception?"

"You are making this so hard for me Hyeongjun-ah. You are the third today to ask."

Seungwoo turned his head towards Hyeongjun and the boy looked almost like he was ready to cry if Seungwoo didn't cooperate.

"Eunsang was here before the lunch break and Dongpyo knocked on the door even before going to his locker. The first thing in the morning I wanted to see was him being clingy to get things to go his way."

Hyeongjun blinked.

"What I am to do with you. Tell others that no one should come here anymore," said Seungwoo with an authoritative tone. Hearing that, Hyeongjun was ready to retreat to the classroom and tell everyone that he also failed. But Seungwoo continued. "And that the test will be tomorrow."

Seungwoo didn't have to tell Hyeongjun that he should leave as soon as possible or he may reconsider it, because the boy was long gone. Seungwoo shook his head and turned back that his body was facing the desk. "They will be my death really."

"I hope not." Strong arms circled around Seungwoo's shoulders. "I am not letting the love of my life getting eaten by a bunch of elementary kids."

"I love you."

"I love you too Han-seonsaengnim."

____

It was snowing. The temperature dropped below zero, but luckily there was no wind today. Yohan stood in front of the restaurant his hands in front of his mouth. He was trying to make himself warmer by blowing air on them.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"What's with the hair?"

"Is that the first thing you ask me after we haven't seen each other for over a year? I am disappointed Yohan-ah." They hugged each other and escaped the cold weather in the warm interior of the restaurant.

"But really hyung, is that gray or green? I can't even tell."

Seungwoo grabbed one of the strands of his hair and wrung it around his finger. "It was blue actually, but it somehow turned green and now it's fading into gray."

They ordered ox bone soup and a glass of soju each. The wait for the food was a bit awkward. Yohan used the time to observe Seungwoo closely. His features were the same as he remembered. Maybe he seemed a bit more mature. He wore a dark green turtleneck and beige pants topped with a winter coat and a scarf that hung on the hook by the door of the restaurant.

Yohan hated turtlenecks. The reason was pretty stupid but he still remembered how Seungwoo had used to wear them to cover what he didn't want anyone to see. But no shit Sherlock, it was mid-December, of course, he would wear turtleneck since they were warm. The Seungwoo he remembered wore it to hide things but Yohan believed or at least hoped that wasn't the case anymore.

Apart from looking matured Seungwoo looked confident. He wasn't trying to look small or did he show any sign of discomfort. He seemed happy. Seungwoo broke the silence by asking Yohan what had led him to contact him again after so long. Yohan waved the question off with just saying he wanted to stay in contact which was a partial truth. Before Seungwoo could pry more the ahjumma brought their soup. They were both hungry so they decided to leave the topic for later.

After they warmed up with the hot soup it was the time for an actual catching up time. "I heard from Jinhyuk-hyung that the kids are making your life miserable. How is it to have your own class?"

"Ah, Hyeongjunie and Dongpyo? Don't even let me started. Those devils. But I really like teaching, you know. Anyway how about your studies, failed anything yet?"

"Nah, but Hangyul is struggling pretty hard with theoretical classes."

"Isn't he repeating anatomy II?"

"Yes, in fact, he hasn't learned yet that studying is a must even at sports. I don't get him sometimes. But maybe the teacher just has something against him. It is unbelievable that he failed both Anatomy I and Anatomy II. And oh my god, have you heard about Baekjin-hyung?"

"What about him?"

"He is super sulky these days"

"And when he is not?" mumbled Seungwoo.

"Yuri-hyung got an amazing offer to be a model for Calvin Klein but he has to take another gap year to be able to pursue his career."

"I think they will overcome it, Baekjin is strong. And he knows this is great for Yuri."

"Oh and hyung, you wouldn't believe this. Apparently, Kookheon and Yuvin are together. Junho told me this morning. Not sure who confessed to whom but they were pinning on each other for so long and they are finally hitting it off. "

Seungwoo snickered. Nothing has changed. Yohan was still the same Yohan he was last year. And Seungwoo liked the fact that Junho still got to be the gossip girl, he should meet him and thank him personally for all the information. He was fond of all the kids so it was only natural he liked hearing that everyone was doing well.

"Anyway, what about you hyung?"

Sure Seungwoo had a lot to talk about but somehow he didn't know what exactly he should be telling Yohan. "Nothing much about me except Wooseok has been annoying me these days. You know they may look like they have everything perfectly clear between them but no. It's not a day without Wooseok calling me that Jinhyuk put a red sock in their white laundry and everything turned pink."

Seungwoo then continued about how he missed the university, his old job at the café, especially the shifts he had worked with Seungsik. And he also mentioned Busan - his home - he hadn't been able to visit as often as before due to the requirements of his job.

The conversation with Yohan was chill until the moment the younger dropped a bomb. "Are you dating hyung?" Seungwoo choked on the soju he was drinking. Seungwoo was an honest man so he answered truthfully that he was indeed dating someone. Seungwoo didn't say whom he was dating and Yohan didn't ask.

"And you?"

____

"You can't even cook damn rice. What do I even like about you?!" Wooseok shouted loud enough for their neighbors to hear.

"But you love me anyway. And if we forget the rice I am amazing."

"Amazing my butt."

"Wooseok I am sorry, you know I am busy with work these days." The taller hugged his boyfriend around the waist and plastered butterfly kisses on his neck.

"Sure and I am not, because the gallery fills itself on its own, right?"

It was on a daily basis that the couple bickered around because of the stupidest things. It was given they were both stressed from their work. Wooseok had opened his own gallery and Jinhyuk worked in a Community Development. But other than bickering the two of them were extremely happy together. They obtained a loan and were able to buy their own flat. They had plans for the future and it definitely looked like they were all set to just marry each other.

Wooseok was currently sitting on the kitchen island waiting for the rice cooker to finish new rice. "I have been thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Jinhyuk gave a light peck on Wooseok's lips.

"Actually, I couldn't understand how he hasn't left Seungyoun yet, but now I think I understand why."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't leave you too if you were sick."

"Even if I wanted you to?"

"Even then. We would go through that together." Wooseok caressed Jinhyuk's hair and hugged him tightly. "They are strong. They can do this."

"Right." Jinhyuk lost himself in Woosek's eyes for a mere second. "And we will check on them once a while like we did until now."

"You are amazing love."

"Oh so now I am amazing but when the rice wasn't to your liking you were ready to kick me out."

"God, shut up."

____

Yohan suggested he would accompany Seungwoo on his way home from the restaurant after their meet up had ended. Based on the first look Seungwoo's home could have been a studio apartment. But it wasn't Yohan's place to ask what kind of housing had Seungwoo inhabited, he didn't want to seem nosy. What caught his eye though, were the names on the doorbell ring. Aside from Seungwoo's name it also stated Cho Seungyoun.

Yohan recalled all the painful memories he had about the couple. The scene when Seungwoo got kicked by Seungyoun back in March last year or when he showed up with a revealing shirt. Seungwoo looking weak and thin stayed with him all this time. His hyung's appearance from February almost two years ago haunted him still.

"Hyung is that…" Yohan couldn't believe Seungwoo got back together with Seungyoun.

"I know what you wanna say but don't. This is my call." The boys parted ways when Seungwoo turned the key inside the lock and entered the apartment. He gave Yohan one last reassuring smile that everything was okay and disappeared behind the door.

Yohan met Seungwoo mainly because he needed a closure. He was still madly in love with the kind senior whom he first spotted at the orientation sitting a few tables from him, senior with a perfect smile he still kept even after everything he had gone through.

Yohan realized he was crying. He looked at the closed door and said: "When someone is willing to sacrifice themselves and accept the bad of you isn't it beautiful? Seungyoun you are one lucky man to have Seungwoo in your life." Yohan wiped off the tears that stained his face. "Just make him happy."

Yohan was stupid for resenting his former TA. Maybe their story wasn't your typical "and they lived happily ever after" but it still was a happy ending, happy ending for Seungyoun who got himself an amazing person that loved him despite his issues, and a happy ending for Seungwoo who found a way to keep the relationship he longed for.

When walking back home Yohan dialed Jinhyuk's number.

"Did you get your answer?"

"I did hyung."

"So what would you say?"

"Is this what they call true love."

"Would you call it anything else?"

"Stop hyung, this is so cheesy."

_ The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right the ending implies that their unhealthy relationship will continue. Okay now i am so emotional. This fic taught me so much in terms of acceptance. I needed to and i wanted to understand Seungwoo’s character. And I think I did. And I hope I am not the only one who took something from the story.
> 
> With this my first ever fanfiction is completed. Thank you for staying with me untill the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading 
> 
> feel free to hit me up with suggestions, remind me of mistakes or just talk to me about anything and everything on my twitter @natus_ka_


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